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Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by Gessle, Aug 8, 2004.

  1. Qidong

    Qidong Regular Member

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    Gee. I better buy another ski pant with shoulder straps just in case. :eek:
     
  2. Qidong

    Qidong Regular Member

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    Good ones. Except I don't get this one. Anyone can help?
     
  3. venkatesh

    venkatesh Regular Member

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    I don't either. If I were the lady, I'd be more than glad to accept the payment. It's like I got paid for getting what I want.

    I guess the joke here is that it's under the pretense that she was ravaged on the table in their house, that the doctor would pay for the damages of their house appliances, but in the end, revealing that the act actually happened in the restaurant. :)
     
  4. Rubik's Cube

    Rubik's Cube New Member

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    yeah her husband fiercely had great intercourse with her.:D the doctor meant the damages for any emotional trauma that the woman might have experienced from the ferocity of her husband. And any objects that might have been wrecked.

    But hey, she should have accepted the payment for the damages. After all she did get what she wanted. :D
     
  5. Qidong

    Qidong Regular Member

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  6. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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  7. drop2it

    drop2it Regular Member

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    Sunday School Mishap

    Sister Anne was a blind nun who taught Sunday School. Sleepy Suzy was a pupil in her class, and she happened to sit in front of Bad Johnny. One Sunday, Sister Anne decided to give an oral pop quiz to her students. Sleepy Suzy wasn't that interested, and soon nodded off. Sister Anne - being blind - failed to notice and fired off a question to Suzy anyways.
    'Suzy, in the beginning, who created the heavens and the earth?'
    When Suzy didn't answer, Bad Johnny poked her sharply with his pencil. Annoyed at being disturbed, she turned around and said angrily "Gawd Almighty!"
    Of course, Sister Anne saw none of this and congratulated Suzy for her correct response. After glaring at Johnny, Suzy turned around and went back to sleep.
    Some while later, Sister Anne asked Suzy another question:
    'Suzy, who is our Lord and Savior?'
    Again Suzy didn't answer, and again Johnny poked her hard with his pencil. This time, Suzy sat bolt upright and yelled out 'Jesus Christ!'
    After Sister Anne congratulated her, Suzy glared at Johnny, turned around, and went back to sleep.
    Time rolled on, and Suzy was asked a third question.
    'Suzy, what did Eve say to Adam after bearing his 15th child?'
    Suzy for a third time was jabbed by Johnny's pencil. In her usual display, she turned around and screamed:

    'IF YOU TRY TO STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!!!'
     
  8. drop2it

    drop2it Regular Member

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    Hicksville, U. S. of A.

    A junior journalist for a large newspaper is given the task to find some interesting stories that show the "heart" of rural America. After travelling for days, he comes across a nearly deserted hick town. On the porch of a decaying house, he finds a middle-aged man who is willing to answer the jounalists questions. Not realy sure where to start, the journalist asks the man,"Has anything ever happened here that made you happy?"
    The man pondered for a while and said, "well, once one of Farmer Bob's sheep got lost in the woods. All the men-folk around went in there to look for it. We found it, screwed it, and took it back to Farmer Bob. That made me happy."
    The reporter is disgusted and cries, "I can't print that! Don't you have anything else that made you happy?"
    The man pondered for a while and said, "Well, once one of Farmer Bob's daughters got lost in the woods. All the men-folk around went in there to look for her. We found her, screwed her, and took her back to Farmer Bob. That made me happy."
    "No, No! I can't print that!" said the journalist. Taking a final stab, he asks the man "Has anything ever happened that made you sad?"
    The man pondered for a while and said "Well, I got lost once..."
     
  9. Oldhand

    Oldhand Moderator

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    Ahem, we're no prudes here... but we ain't bawdy.com either.
    Let's keep the jokes on the right side of 'colourful', please ;)
     
  10. drop2it

    drop2it Regular Member

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    Begging your pardon, I realize that myself. Posting before bed is not a good idea. It won't happen again. In that spirit:

    Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

    A: Do you smell carrots?
     
  11. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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  12. kakinami

    kakinami Regular Member

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    String Joke

    Ok, there are three pieces of string hanging out on the corner and they see a bar across the street.
    One piece of string goes, “I think I am gonna get a drink!”
    So he goes into the bar and says, “Bartender, get me a drink.”
    The bartender replies, “ARE YOU A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The string says, “YEA I’M A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The bartender yells, “GET OUT OF HERE, WE DON’T SERVE YOUR KIND!!!”
    So the string goes back to the others, pretty bummed out and says, “I couldn’t get a drink…”
    Then the second piece of string, determined to get a drink decides he is gonna give it a try.
    So he goes into the bar and says, “BARTENDER, GET ME A DRINK!”
    The bartender replies, “ARE YOU A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The string says, “YEA I’M A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The bartender yells, “GET OUT OF HERE, WE DON’T SERVE YOUR KIND!!!”
    So the string goes back to the others, really bummed out and says, “I couldn’t get a drink…”
    So the third piece of string says smiling, “Watch, I’m gonna get a drink!”
    So the string ties himself in a half loop, messes up his hair walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, get me a drink!”
    The bartender replies, “ARE YOU A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The string says, “Freyed knot!!”
     
    #1112 kakinami, Jan 16, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2009
  13. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    lol.
    btw, i got this yesterday from a lady co-worker.
    They've found the cooler:p:p
     

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    #1113 cooler, Jan 16, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2009
  14. Script

    Script Regular Member

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    Lol ... xD (15 char.)
     
  15. Danstevens

    Danstevens Regular Member

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    ROFL! That's brilliant.
     
  16. drop2it

    drop2it Regular Member

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    very cute. quite original...
     
  17. eisen howard

    eisen howard Regular Member

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    A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.

    The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

    He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line.

    "Whose funeral is it?"

    The man replied, "that first coffin is for my wife."

    "What happened to her?"

    "My dog attacked and killed her."

    "Well, who is in the second coffin? "

    "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

    A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement , "Can I borrow the dog?"

    The man replied, "Join the queue
     
  18. eisen howard

    eisen howard Regular Member

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    CHILDREN ARE STILL THE GREATEST STORY TELLERS
    I was testing the children
    in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
    I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car,
    had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"

    "NO!" the children answered.

    "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard,
    and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" <IMG alt=[]>
    Again, the answer was, "NO!"
    By now I was starting to smile.
    Hey, this was fun!

    [FONT=Comic Sans
    MS] "Well, then, if I was kind to animals[/FONT] and gave candyto all the children, and loved my husband,
    [FONT=Times New
    Roman][/FONT]
    would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.

    Again, they all answered, "NO!"
    I was just bursting with pride for them.
    "Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
    [FONT=Times New
    Roman][/FONT]
    A five-year-old boy shouted out,

    "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."









     
  19. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    hmm, is this to be of a concern?
     

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  20. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    ^^No cause for concern...^^

    ..but after what's been going on lately, my hunch says, the car will probably be on eBay in 4 or 8 more yrs..;)

    Btw, where is his "YES, YOU CAN" slogan???..:confused:
     
    #1120 ctjcad, Jan 19, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2009

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