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What women really want?

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by adelina76, Jul 2, 2002.

  1. adelina76

    adelina76 Regular Member

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    Since reading Matt's thread on women, I've been thinking that since most of the forum readers here are guys, it maybe helpful for you to know what women really want. Some of the things here you guys probably already known, but let's face it, you all can use with a helpful reminder. :) Through personal experience and constant observation of human behaviour, I've managed to come up with a formula of what women really want: As you read this, prepare yourself to be taken to a place no man has ever been before... The 4 ARC(s) of Love..the final frontier:

    Assurance -Okey, a guy generally thinks that once he's said something to a woman, then unless he tells her otherwise in the future, whatever he'd told her originally stays status quo. E.g if he'd told her originally that he loves her, unless he says he no longer loves her in the future, he expects her to understand that the status quo applies, i.e he still loves her. This I believe comes from guy's principle of "if it's ain't broken, why fix it" attitude. Okey, nothing wrong with this..except that you have to realise that women has a genetic chip that constantly beeps at her and making her reach out seeking assurance that she's still loved, she's still pretty etc. I know it's a pain, but you'll find that you would need to constantly give assurance to your partner that she's beautiful etc. To help you guys understand, you can equate a woman's need for constant reassurances with your constant need for your partner to admire and trust you (or basically to inflate your male ego..hehe). Think about it, do you think you'll get sick of your partner telling you how you're much better looking than all the guys in the gym where she works out in? I rest my case.. In other words, imagine assuring women is like using toilet paper rolls, they will constantly run out, so you need to keep replacing (reassuring) them.

    Affection - Self explanatory..but affection doesn't always have to be an exaggerated action like buying flowers etc..sometimes you'll be amazed by how much affection is generated from a simple squeeze on the arm, a quick cuddle or even just holding hands.. Keep doing these things guys, we women never get sick of them!

    Attention - This relates more to when a woman talks to a man..Understand 2 important things here please: 1)Guys often only talk when they have to, i.e to convey factual information or seeking advice from others, but often they do their thinking in their head. Women talk because they use speech as a way to work things out (speaking their thoughts out) or they talk simply to vent their frustration and NOT necessarily seeking advice. 2)Guys like information relayed to them in a 'straight to the point' and factual manner. Unfortunately, women relay information in a narrative manner, often starting with events surrounding the factual information before actually talking about the 'point at hand'. So instead of clicking your tongue impatiently and yawning or offering unsolicited advice, just be patient, listen attentively, occassionally nod at the right places and then at the end of it, just give her a hug..it does wonders.


    Adoration - By adoration, I mean being spoilt rotten! We love it!! Foot massages, preparation of a nice warm bath with our favourite music in the background..that kind of stuff..it's not a necessity for women, but it is a luxury most women would just love to have! (kinda like she only talks to you during ad breaks! :p)


    Resourcefulness - This is critical. Often by resourcefulness, we mean creativity, being fun and interesting. No, don't go and order any bungy cords or camping gear.. that's not necessary..by being resourceful means by keeping the relationship interesting, spontaneous and being thoughtful. Eg of simple but resourceful things: email her at work for no reason but just to tell her you're thinking of her, surprise her with a breakfast in bed (try not to burn the kitchen down, she can do without that surprise!). Also, importantly, know that most women in general (especially me) like guys who are decisive..by decisive we don't mean you have to make a decision on the spot, but by decisive means you have resourcefulness (or appear like you have one) not to panic in emergency like situations, always have your head screwed on and basically to be able to be rational and sensible when we become irrational! One e.g would be if she loses her pet cat and she's worried about where the cat is and she paces around the living room worrying. Her resourceful partner would take her in his arms and comfort her, assuring her that the cat will be back. At this point, she'll probably be ranting about 'what if this and what if that'..and the guy just calmly and rationally set her worries aside, NOT by disagreeing with her concerns (we don't like to feel silly even if we are acting like it at that time) but by validating her concerns but continue to calmly reassure her. Hope this helps illustrate my point.

    Respect - Also very essential. I cannot love a man I don't respect and I think the opposite is true for guys. I understand that respect is gained and not of right, but it is also important to respect not only your partner as a person, but her wishes, thoughts and opinions. This means often where you disagree with her opinion or you think your suggestion is better than hers, it is best to show respect for her and her opinion by either coming to a compromise between your two opinions, or otherwise, VALIDATE her opinion by TELLING her (assurance thingy again) you understand where she's coming from and you see her point..but you still have a different point of view and hopes she respects that too. I know, very wishy washy, but believe me, it works!

    Reliability/accountability - By this I mean all guys like to be admired and have their partners be in awe of them (seeing them as their knight in shining armor). In order for us to do that, you need to be able to show us that you're trustworthy and reliable. That means that if you say you're coming to pick us up at 7pm, we actually do expect you to turn up at 7pm and not 7:30 pm (and yes, it doesn't matter if u turn up at 7 and we're still getting ready!hehe) Also, I find a lot of guys think that it's no big deal when they let their partners down on small lil things and they can't understand why the women get so upset about it. Easy, here's two reasons 1) The small little things might actually be important to us and 2) if you accumulate all the little let downs that a woman feel over a course of time due to a man's unrealibility, it will become a BIG let down! Also, a woman who has been let down too many times by her man will lose respect for him..and you know what happens once the respect is lost..that's right..out da door!

    Romance - hehe, self explanatory, but I do want to say that although flowers and chocs are all good, often romance that comes from a bit of resourceful thinking is a gem! This is especially where a man is ATTENTIVE and observant enough to learn and pick up all the little details from his woman (I'm sorry, but remember her birthday is NOT a small detail! :p) and then later on he surprises her with his actions that show he had been paying attention to her...now that's romantic!

    Communication - Simple rule, if you don't talk, you dont' have a long term relationship. It's really crucial. I understand that a lot of guys don't like talking or don't know how to express themselves. In such a case, I encourage you learn (yes, it can be learned) or otherwise, write to your partner for example can also be an alternative form of communication. You'll be surprise sometimes that it is easier to pen down your thoughts / feelings than to convey them orally

    Compatible Companionship - Self explanatory again..and simply, all girls just want their partners to also be their best friends. No, that does not mean we expect you to complete a marathon shopping session with us (but extra brownie points for those who do..and yes, lingerie shopping counts as well..*sigh* :D), what I mean though is more to be able to 'hang around' with your partner, participating in mutual interests (like badminton!), having mutual friends, or simply having a good one-to-one discussions on life etc. Hehe, my previous boyfriend thought I dropped from heaven because I can kick his arse in Streetfighter! :p

    Commitment - but of course!!! This includes loyalty, fidelity and ability to share long term goals with your partner.

    Cherishness - Well..this has to be to be the piece de resistance (sp?) of what women really want because it incorporates all the above. It is hard to explain what it is, but at the same time, it's a need that has to be fulfilled. Essentially, a woman has a very core need to feel SPECIAL and WANTED, and I suppose that explains her other needs like for attention, constant reassurance..because she needs to feel wanted. Hope that helps you guys comprehend this fundamental feminine need. If I have to equate it with a similar need for a guy, I would say it is closest to a guy's need for the woman he loves to believe in him, to have faith and to trust him.

    Safeguard/protection - Last but not least, and ranking equally as important as being cherished is a woman's core need for protection or safeguarding (where the knight in shining armor syndrom derives from). I don't care what modern feminist say, but every woman has an inherent need to want to feel safe and secured. That is why some women go for rich guys (material/financial security), or jocks or big muscular guys (physical security) while other women go for Mr. nice average guy (emotional security..i.e as he's unlikely to cheat or leave her). Therefore, it is essential that you create the environment of safety and security within your relationship with your partner so that she feels protected by you. Often a woman would feel safe being with her man because of his characteristic and his actions. Again, this relates to why women want reliable and responsible men and crave for commitment (sign of security). Also, you will find that if a woman feels safe with you, she will also begin to trust you. So men and women have reciprocal needs. In order to obtain her trust, the man must offer protection and security to a woman and vice versa for the woman.

    There you go...I hope this creates an awareness for a lot of you and a helpful reminder for those who are already aware previously :) Hehe, if you can't remember any of the above, to be safe, just always assume that you're always wrong and she's always right. Analogy: If a man is by himself deep inside a jungle, is he still wrong? Yes of course he is..duh?! :D

    Disclaimer: Again, the above formula is generated based on my personal experience and also through observation, plus literal research (Men are from Mars...). Remember it's a generalisation. However, I personally believe that the 4 ARC(s) of Love are what women want, but perhaps depending on each woman, the ranking of what is the more important element may differ.

    In the end, this is just my humble opinion..take it as how you like (hopefully with a pinch of salt) but just as it is a light reading, in some way, I also hope it educates you to some extent

    This has been jumping-smashed at you by:

    aDeLiNa, the flightless kiwicheek!:cool:
     
  2. Matt Ross

    Matt Ross Regular Member

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    Lol, i wish i neva opened my damn mouth
     
  3. zero

    zero Regular Member

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    WOW!.....I believe that's the longest post I have ever read on this forum.
    I guess adelina76 wins the longest poster on this forum, beating Brett and Kelvin....hehe....:p
     
  4. sporty

    sporty Regular Member

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    Adelina,

    i agree with u.. =P
     
  5. Slanter

    Slanter Regular Member

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    Please don't encourage her. I am tempted to write down what men really want...but I do not want to reinforce the stereotype.

    Matt, I blame you for this and will personally kick your arse at the Herts Open! ;)
     
  6. Cheung

    Cheung Moderator

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    I've read an interesting article that claimed women were attracted to a guy who had a similar scent to her father. If that's true, what was Adelina talking about?
     
  7. Californian

    Californian Regular Member

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    LOL, Adelina, if I didn't know better, I'd think someone interviewed my wife for this material!

    There's good stuff here for those who can appreciate it.

    I think you should make this into a book. For us men, though, you'd have to break it up into chapters, provide step-by-step instructions (like learning to use a new tool or assembling something), give us exercises to practice, and, of course, we could only handle one chapter at a time!:rolleyes: ;)
     
  8. Matt Ross

    Matt Ross Regular Member

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    LMAO, someone remind me next time to open my gob??
     
  9. adelina76

    adelina76 Regular Member

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    Smells?

    I've heard about a certain smell that female animals release during the mating period to attract the males and I think to a certain, that extent to a human being too.

    I've also heard that a lot of daddy's girls will look for someone that's like their dad to marry..I said only daddy's girl because opposite to this is true, i.e if you have had an abusive father, then unlikely you will look for someone like your dad.. (although, psychiatrists had advised that even though we consciously look for someone with the opposite characters to our parents in our future partner, ( due to unhappy experience with our parents), yet, somehow subconsciously, we end up being with someone exactly like our dad/mom. Weird..)

    But Cheung, you took the prize by combining the two! You know, if what you say is true, then I feel sorry for every girl that has a father that's body odour smells like a neglected rubbish bin and who farts like a skunk! And if that's you..*point to BF forum readers* hehe..lucky you then? :p

    A
     
  10. Pecheur

    Pecheur Regular Member

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    What?! No man would ever read instructions ;)
     
  11. adelina76

    adelina76 Regular Member

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    Phermones..I think it's called..

    In reference to that smell that attracts the opposite sex, I think it's called Phermones..forgot the name earlier on when replying to Cheung's posting.

    Also, I was just thinking Cheung, if women do choose the men they marry based on the smell of their (women's) fathers, does that mean that you smell like your father-in-law? *giggles* Hehe..here's a test then for you married blokes out there. Go and smell your father in law and see if he smells like u? :p
     
  12. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    adelina76

    hehehe, i think we human is more refined these days, we take showers or bath to wash away our phermones so that we could be on artifical phermones; after shave for guys and perfumes for ladies. :p In a 'sense', the daughter might be unconsciously looking for a guy wearing similar smell of after shave lotion as her dad. It reminds her the good side of family unit during her younger days where security and supports are so important to her. Hmm, i don't know how to explain the guy-father side of thing as yet. I think i have studied the planet venus enough and better go have a look at Mars.
     
  13. Chu Pa

    Chu Pa Regular Member

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    You're right...

    Definitely longer and more interesting then what Brett and Kelvin have to say. :) Just kidding guys. :) Always value what you two have to say. The longest post so far. Did she copy(cut and paste) from an article? ;)
     
  14. adelina76

    adelina76 Regular Member

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    Re: *GASP* What?!

    No Chu Pa, I did not cut and paste from anywhere..it's all my own thoughts and opinions..copyright Adelina 2002! :p

    Hehe, the are quite long aren't they? hehe..I told you women express themselves and their thoughts by speaking it out loud!

    A
     
  15. badrad

    badrad Regular Member

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    zzzzzzzzzzzzz .. *** .. :eek: *** yes dear, i totally agree with that last comment but also will say that the first suggestion also has merit. - - - now back to day dreaming about that waitress at hooters... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
     
  16. Chu Pa

    Chu Pa Regular Member

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    I know...

    I was just pulling your leg. :) It takes good patience and enthusiasm to sit and type an ESSAY length piece. Any other interesting topics to post that are rather long for BC? :)
     
  17. adelina76

    adelina76 Regular Member

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    And with that badrad, you've just summed up what men really want don't you? :p

    And so the world are mostly controlled by men..we are doomed! But on the other hand, it's funny seeing how the almighty President of the United States, who are able to resist all sorts of attacks, in the military and political arena from other leaders of the world...succumb to the wile of a woman, who's not even his wife..

    hehe..so the lesson to be learnt here is men rule the world and cleavages rule men! :p

    A
     
  18. Brett

    Brett Regular Member

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    [Waves white flag]

    Yep, that was longer than any post I can remember submitting here.

    Your points are just common sense to me - nothing close to a revelation, but I bet a very large percentage of guys reading that might scratch their heads and say "Really?"

    Adelina, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

    So why do you have time to write such a lengthy post? Shouldn't you be either playing badminton or dating someone, rather than writing about a hypothetical guy to date?

    ;)
     
  19. adelina76

    adelina76 Regular Member

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    Re: [Waves white flag]

    Brett, although a lot of the points I've raised are common sense and nothing close to a revelation at you, and yet, in the same breath, you've just showed me that you've learnt nothing or failed to grasp what women really want. Why? Because you just asked me my age! HELLO!?! You've just signed your own death warrant! Asking a woman's age is like asking a guy whether he's interested in a new hair replacement product! Exactly! :) Hehe..but having said that, since I'm still in my 20's..I'll let you get away with it :) I'm 26.

    As for time to write lengthy post about this particular topic, reasons are:

    1) Trying to help out you badmintion-addicted guys who prefer the company of feather shuttles and sweaty hairy friends than wining and dining wonderful female companions simply on the excuse of not being able to understand them :)

    2) It was one of my newer posts...addiction to this forum was very high back then and well, that combined to my liking to talk/write (roll your eyes at me and die! :p).. hehe, hence this article

    3) Try to give a different perspective and different topic altogether for you guys to read other than mountainbikes, cars and arm wrestling..boring!! :D :p

    4) Boredom prolly has something to do with it :)

    As for why am I being hypothetical as opposed to going out there dating, gee, why do you think I'm writing this article for?! It's like playing badminton, before you can become serious in it, you have to learn and master the basics. And what I've done is provide the basics of how to understand woman better and do well in a relationship, and therefore, happy learning! :) Besides..what makes you think Brett that I'm not already in a happy and stable relationship? Or are you fishing for information? Hehe, well, they say ignorance is bliss and I hope you're all blissful! :)

    aDeLiNa, the cheeky flightless and featherless kiwibird!
     
    #19 adelina76, Jul 23, 2002
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2002
  20. Brett

    Brett Regular Member

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    That was fast!

    I didn't think folks down in the south Pacific could get that fast of connections with your strings between coconut shells. :D

    No, asking a woman her age isn't the worst thing a guy can do - it's asking a woman who is not obviously with child (i.e. in at least her eighth month of pregnancy) when her baby is due. Yes, I have done that (many years ago in my youth) and yes, it does create spectacularly strong feelings of embarassment (in both the inquirer and respondent) and anger (in the respondent and any other women around who are non-lithe).

    Yep, I suppose some of the posters here are in their teens and while full comprehension of the fairer gender is not remotely possible, regardless of age, there is an awful lot of tact to be learned during the teens and twenties. You deserve an award for your public service.

    I was curious about your age because I got the impression (wrongly it turns out) from reading some of your other posts, that you were still in school, either your latter year or two of high school or were a university student. Your words seemed to reflect more maturity than one typically finds coming from an 18 year old, hence my curiosity on that issue. Internet manners and tact are not necessarily identical to those employed in person - kind of hard to kick a guy in the shins who is 8,000 miles away.

    I have no curiosity whatsoever in the manner to which you hint - I just returned from my honeymoon about a month ago and am indeed a very happy guy.
     

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