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Thread: Jokes

  1. #239
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunzhi
    A Russian and an American wrestler were set ....
    Hahahaha. It's so funny. I can't stop myself from laughing.

  2. #240
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    Job Interview

    A Norwegian was on a job interview. Here's your first question," the foreman said, "without using numbers, represent the number 9."

    "Without numbers?" The Norwegian says, "Dat is easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.

    "What's this?" the boss asks.

    "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Norwegian.

    "Fair enough," says the boss, "here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

    The Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

    The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

    "Each of da trees is dirty now! So it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99"

    The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

    The Norwegian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

    The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

    The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred... So when I start?"

  3. #241
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qidong
    Hahahaha. It's so funny. I can't stop myself from laughing.
    it sure is funny

  4. #242
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    George W. Bush, the American President, meets with the Queen of England, Elizabeth II.
    He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
    Are there any tips you can give to me?"
    "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

    Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
    The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle."
    The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

    Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
    The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child.
    It is not your brother and it is not your sister.
    Who is it?"
    Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be me."
    "Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

    Back at the White House, Bush asks to speak with vice president Dick Cheney.
    "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.
    It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
    "I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one."

    Dick Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer.
    Finally, he goes over to Colin Powell's room and asked: "Colin! Can you answer this for me?
    Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

    Colin Powell smiles comfortably and said, "That's easy. It's me!"
    Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"

    Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and to speak with Bush. "Say,
    I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."

    Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney , and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

    just a joke...

  5. #243
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    Smile

    As shown in Maxim magazine.....

    There are a busload of ugly people that get in an accident and they all go to heaven. 1 by 1 they are granted one wish and each one says "I want to be beautiful, and not ugly" and every single person has their wish granted. They finally get to the last man who has been laughing the entire time. God asks "What so funny?? Everyone has gotten their wish and everyone is beautiful, whats your wish?"

    The man finally stops laughing and says "My wish is to.........















    MAKE THEM ALL UGLY AGAIN!!!"

  6. #244
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anatolii
    no kidding. i was watching her match with nadia petrova last night (the repeat).. those grunts, you call it? really weird ! not to mention off-putting. i'd hate to have been there.
    Off putting for the potential man making love with her....or exciting as the case may be.

  7. #245
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    Default Women as described by engineers..

    ..just for fun guys...
    Attached Images Attached Images      

  8. #246
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    Default Canajuns as explained..

    ..enjoy some pics taken from our neighbor friends in Canada..-.
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  9. #247
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    Default Looks familiar??..

    ...have you ever felt like this??..
    Attached Images Attached Images  

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    This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in
    various places of India...

    1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
    Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please
    sanction me one-week leave.

    2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
    From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two
    days.."

    3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
    "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

    4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
    "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it,
    please grant me 10 days leave."

    5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
    "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not
    return, please grant me half day casual leave" *doubles up laughing*

    6. An incident of a leave letter
    "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." ROF

    7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
    "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request
    you to leave me today" ROF

    9. Covering note:
    "I am enclosed here with..."

    10. Another one:
    "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

    11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
    "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I hope I may be granted leave".

    12. Letter writing: -
    "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well." ROF

  11. #249
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler
    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHA.. good find there, cooler! That's real good stuff.

    Is Carlton Draught only sold to us Aussies? Or is it sold elsewhere too?

  13. #251
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    Quote Originally Posted by ErrBerr
    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHA.. good find there, cooler! That's real good stuff.

    Is Carlton Draught only sold to us Aussies? Or is it sold elsewhere too?
    I thot carlton 'draught' was a racket model like in Carlton 'aerogear'
    Last edited by cooler; 07-25-2005 at 05:44 PM.

  14. #252
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler
    I thot carlton 'draught' was a racket model like in Carlton 'aerogear'
    lol, i thot the same thing too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ErrBerr
    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHA.. good find there, cooler! That's real good stuff.

    Is Carlton Draught only sold to us Aussies? Or is it sold elsewhere too?
    i think it's call Richard's beer here, their commercial use the same song.

  16. #254
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    Post Marriage. and WWII

    I dont think these have been posted before if they have so sorry for that.


    Marriage - I

    Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
    he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

    His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be *** here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're here or not."

    Marriage - II

    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
    that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies. "When
    you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband -
    Stiff At Last"

    Marriage - III

    Husband, who is a doctor, and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" he asks. "Getting a second opinion!"

    Marriage - IV

    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's
    time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
    He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His
    wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

    Marriage - V

    The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
    other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
    would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
    flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he
    knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------WWII, i found this rather funny i dont know if you will either but hope so. its what world war 2 would have been like a online RTS (real time strategy)

    http://www.strategypage.com/humor/ar...s_20057151.asp

  17. #255
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    Quote Originally Posted by smash_master
    hahaha, so funny

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