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Thread: Jokes

  1. #460
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    Might be an old one.
    Three guys were dead and they went to Heaven. St Peter asked them the reason of their death. The first guy said, "Well, I was told that my wife's having an affair with another guy, so I went home from work early and saw a men's shoe on my house's shoe rack that ain't mine!! I was so furious and quickly rushed into my house. I searched everywhere but there wasn't any sign, then, I saw a hand clutching the side of the corridor, I thought:'Hah! Gotcha! Don't you ever think you'll get away with this!'. And so I banged his hands with a hammer but his hands just won't let off! So without thinking properly, I went and fetch my fridge to throw it down at the guy, but I tripped and fell down together with the fridge. That's how I die." St Peter then asked the second guy,:"How about you?" He replied,"Well, I used to live in the highest floor of a flat. One day, as usual, I exercised beside the window, but I accidentally tripped and falled out of the window. When I was falling, I waved my hands vigorously and clutched on someone's corridor side, feeling it was quite safe to climb up, a mad idiot suddenly banged my hand with a hammer, I tried hard not to let go of my hand, then there was a pause, and I felt a large object, a fridge maybe, dropped down and my hands let go and I falled. That's how I die." Without waiting for St Peter to ask, the third guy mumbled timidly,:"I died in a fridge........."

  2. #461
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    Quote Originally Posted by NgauNgau
    the third guy mumbled timidly,:"I died in a fridge........."
    "I was hiding in this fridge..."

  3. #462
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    Default Plasma tv...

    ..this is sooooo redneck... ...but hey, if it works, then why not...
    Attached Images Attached Images    

  4. #463
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    lol, pure awesome.

  5. #464
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad
    ..this is sooooo redneck... ...but hey, if it works, then why not...
    Great idea. Saving a whole bunch of money buying flat screen TV.

  6. #465
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    i'm a girl, but i think this is hilarious anyway
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  7. #466
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    Quote Originally Posted by erin_hakkinen
    i'm a girl, but i think this is hilarious anyway
    There was another like this one in a previous post, except that the answer was that women were the root of all problems.

  8. #467
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    lol, old but still good. doesnt matter if theyre evil....i still like girls. haha.

  9. #468
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    Waiter: May I have your order sir?
    Customer: Nope, but you can buy it from me...

    Waiter: May I know what you would like to have sir?
    Customer: Busybody! Thats none of your business!

    *The next one is more of a badminton addict joke*
    Waiter: Heres your soup sir... enjoy your meal
    Customer: Wait, can you change me a head heavy spoon, I want more power
    Waiter: ??????

    Jack doesnt want to go to school so he mimmicks his father's voice and calls his teacher

    Teacher: Yes?
    Jack: Hello. Yes, this is Jack's father here. Jack is sick today so he is unable to attend school.
    Teacher: Oh how is he?
    Jack: Its nothing I'm just having a cold.
    Teacher: ?!?!?!?!?!

  10. #469
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad
    ..this is sooooo redneck... ...but hey, if it works, then why not...
    haha nice one! you fooled me

  11. #470
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    Quote Originally Posted by erin_hakkinen
    i'm a girl, but i think this is hilarious anyway
    haha luckily I'm not a girl lala

  12. #471
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    Quote Originally Posted by yy_ling
    Waiter: May I have your order sir?
    Customer: Nope, but you can buy it from me...

    Waiter: May I know what you would like to have sir?
    Customer: Busybody! Thats none of your business!

    *The next one is more of a badminton addict joke*
    Waiter: Heres your soup sir... enjoy your meal
    Customer: Wait, can you change me a head heavy spoon, I want more power
    Waiter: ??????

    Jack doesnt want to go to school so he mimmicks his father's voice and calls his teacher

    Teacher: Yes?
    Jack: Hello. Yes, this is Jack's father here. Jack is sick today so he i
    s unable to attend school.
    Teacher: Oh how is he?
    Jack: Its nothing I'm just having a cold.
    Teacher: ?!?!?!?!?!
    didn't get the 1st and 2nd one it's just me stupid! haha

  13. #472
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    Default Now it's my turn to share jokes...enjoy

    A boy call Tom goes to school and his teacher asks him to ask his family and learn the 1st three letter of the alphabet. So Tom goes home and asks his family…

    His dad’s talking to someone…
    Tom: Dad, what’s the 1st letter of the alphabet?
    Dad: No! You are so stupid!

    His Little Sister’s watching Cinderella…
    Tom: Little Sister, what’s the 2nd letter of the alphabet?
    Little Sister: I am Cinderella, Cinderella!

    His Big Brother’s doing Maths Homework…
    Tom: Big Brother, what’s the 3rd letter of the alphabet?
    Big Brother: Finally! The day has come! 180 of course!

    So Tom goes back to school the next morning and teaches asks him if he learnt them…

    Teacher: So Tom, did you learn the 1st three letter of the alphabet?
    Tom: Yes Madam!
    Teacher: Well, tell me them then!
    Tom: No! You are so stupid!
    Teacher: What!?!? Who do you think you are?!?!
    Tom: I am Cinderella, Cinderella!
    Teacher: Alright! How many detentions do you want?
    Tom: Finally! The day has come! 180 of course!



  14. #473
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    Dear Abby,

    I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what
    could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my
    wife has been cheating on me.

    The usual signs, phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My
    wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I
    ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't
    know them."

    I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always
    walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she
    has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a
    taxi?

    I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she
    went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and
    why was I checking up on her.

    Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep
    down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out
    again and I decided to really check on her.

    I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the
    garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole
    street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my
    Harley that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be
    leaking a little oil.

    So, whadda ya think? Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer??
    Last edited by Whoopty; 12-11-2006 at 07:31 PM.

  15. #474
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler
    Serious use for Silly String By REBECCA SANTANA, Associated Press Writer
    Wed Dec 6, 2:03 PM ET

    STRATFORD, N.J. - In an age of multimillion-dollar high-tech weapons systems, sometimes it's the simplest ideas that can save lives. Which is why a New Jersey mother is organizing a drive to send cans of Silly String to Iraq.

    American troops use the stuff to detect trip wires around bombs, as Marcelle Shriver learned from her son, a soldier in Iraq.

    Before entering a building, troops squirt the plastic goo, which can shoot strands about 10 to 12 feet, across the room. If it falls to the ground, no trip wires. If it hangs in the air, they know they have a problem. The wires are otherwise nearly invisible.

    Now, 1,000 cans of the neon-colored plastic goop are packed into Shriver's one-car garage in this town outside Philadelphia, ready to be shipped to the Middle East thanks to two churches and a pilot who heard about the drive.
    I heard of a similar one but not sure if there was any truth in it :

    In the early days of space exploration, US and Russia were trying to get ahead of each other using high tech tools to be used in space.

    One common problem astronauts faced was due to zero gravity and cold temperature, ballpoint pen cannot be used in the spaceship. So the NASA invested millions of dollars, large number of scientist and many months of intensive research, and finally came up with a kind of ink fluid that could withstand extreme cold temperature and still flows well in zero gravity situation. Of course, the cost of one such pen is extremely expensive.

    On the other hand, the Russian came up with a solution within days. They decided to use

    PENCIL!!!

  16. #475
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    Lol, the Russians are so smart.

  17. #476
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    Quote Originally Posted by slvrdrgn123
    Lol, the Russians are so smart.
    For mother russisa!!

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