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Thread: Jokes

  1. #647
    Regular Member george@chongwei's Avatar
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    1) MR. BEAN SEES A DOCTOR :
    Doctor
    : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
    Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
    Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you?
    Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
    Doctor : Then why are you so happy?
    Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

    2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

    Teacher : What is 5 plus 4?
    Mr. Bean : 9
    Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
    Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

    3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

    Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
    Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
    Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

    4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:

    Friend : What are you looking at?
    Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
    Friend : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
    Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

    5) MARRIAGE:

    Friend : How many women do you believe must a man marry?
    Mr. Bean: 16
    Frien d : Why?
    Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

    6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:

    Friend : How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
    Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
    Friend : What tape did you take anyway?
    Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

    7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:

    Mr. Beancrying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
    Friend : condolence, my friend.
    (After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
    Friend : what now?
    Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

    8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:

    Colleague : Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
    Mr. Bean : That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

    9) SPELLING LESSON:

    Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
    Mr. Bean : Make it three c to be sure!

  2. #648
    Regular Member robin7's Avatar
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    I just received this e-mail from a friend and it's damned sarcastic. Can someone translate it into English?
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  3. #649
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default A Reformed Woman

    ..alright, some of you might've seen this before..if not, enjoy

    I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.



    I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this
    money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

    "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

    "No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.
    "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

    "Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

    "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money.
    Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my
    husband and me tonight."

    The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband
    be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

    I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
    looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.
    Last edited by ctjcad; 10-11-2007 at 06:22 PM.

  4. #650
    Regular Member robin7's Avatar
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    ctjcad, thanks for all the jokes posted. I like those jokes with pictures but too lazy to read those with long text. Anyway, keep it coming.

  5. #651
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    what do you think of this below
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  6. #652
    Regular Member robin7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taufik-ist View Post
    what do you think of this below
    I have to say that lazy people are more creative. But I won't try that, too heavy for me.

  7. #653
    Regular Member robin7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad View Post
    ..enjoy-

    Funny Foreign Frases
    ================================================== ===
    Hit Television Shows in Iraq
    =================================================
    Pillsbury Dough Boy Dead At 71
    Are these supposed to be funny?
    Btw, do u mean "Funny Foreign Phrases"?

  8. #654
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default Hmmm, let's see..

    Quote Originally Posted by robin7 View Post
    Are these supposed to be funny?
    Btw, do u mean "Funny Foreign Phrases"?
    ..ah, you've finally stumbled upon some old, almost forgotten, jokes....And in response to those queries:
    -Sí Señor ("Funny Foreign Frases", it's done purposely in relation to the other following words or phrases being used)
    -Oui Monsieur (okay a few, some of 'em are a bit on the borderline; i assume you know they're titles of movies, tv shows?)
    -Iya Boss (if you read carefully, a lot of puns are being used)
    ..are they supposed to/not supposed to be funny? well, it depends how one looks at them; take 'em lightly because they (or most of the jokes in this thread) are simply....jokes...
    *looking around wondering if we're in the "Jokes" thread or not*

  9. #655
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default Some of the World's Most Bizarre Statues..

    (courtesy of our BC member, samuel882)..
    ..some of you guys might've seen these already-if not, enjoy..and these are for our robin7


    In front of the Ernst & Young building (Los Angeles)


    Optimus Prime (Southern China)


    The "Magic tap" (found in "Aqualand" of Cadiz, Spain), which appears to float in the sky with an endless supply of water. Actually, there is a pipe hidden in the stream of water that holds the whole structure


    A Mona Lisa made of computer chips (ASUS headquarters)


    (Oslo, Norway)


    Car park markings continue up the wall of the building where a Morris Mini is parked. The head- and taillights light up at night. MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "maps.google.com" claiming to be (Westenbergstraat, Netherlands)


    Potsdam, Germany)


    (Springfield, Missouri)


    "The Shark" (Headington, Oxford)


    "Iron Lady", in front of the building Regentes (Netherlands)


    Salt Lake City


    In front of the Bukcheon Museum (Seoul, Korea)


    A contemporary representation of Charles La Trobe in central Melbourne (This temporary installation was removed at the end of June 2006 and has been acquired by La Trobe University).


    Mazinger Z (near Tarragona, Spain)

  10. #656
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad View Post
    ..alright, some of you might've seen this before..if not, enjoy

    I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.



    I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this
    money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

    "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

    "No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.
    "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

    "Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

    "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money.
    Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my
    husband and me tonight."

    The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband
    be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

    I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
    looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.
    im sure show this to my mother!!!
    LOL!!!!!!!!!

  11. #657
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default German (Western) & Chinese (Eastern) Icons

    (pics courtesy of our samuel882)..some of you have seen these already; if not, enjoy!
    These icons were designed by Liu Yang who was born in China and educated in Germany.
    Blue --> German
    Red --> Chinese
    ..although not all of them are necessarily true, as they could be interchangeable..

    It may help us to understand...each other better

    ================================================== ======
    Opinion



    Way of Life



    Punctuality



    Contacts



    Anger



    Queue When Waiting



    Me



    Sundays On The Road



    Party



    In The Restaurant



    Upset Stomach/Stomach Ache



    Traveling



    Definition of Beauty (tan & untan)



    Handling of Problems



    Three Meals A Day



    Transportation



    Elderly In Day To Day Life



    Time Of Shower



    Moods and Weather



    The Boss



    What's Trendy



    The Child



    Things That Are New



    Perception Of Each Other

    Last edited by ctjcad; 10-13-2007 at 03:11 PM.

  12. #658
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default Only in Egypt..

    (pics courtesy of samuel882)...




















  13. #659
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    Quote Originally Posted by robin7 View Post
    I just received this e-mail from a friend and it's damned sarcastic. Can someone translate it into English?
    Hm...it's quite witty. Lolz. I can't translate it properly, but it is indeed quite funny. Too bad I can only get the general gist of it, I really can't translate it.

  14. #660
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    Funny joke of the day: Excel's father

    A woman named Anny demanding Taufik Hidayat’s –a famous Indonesian badminton athlete – confession of their son, 5 years old a boy called Excel. Anny said that Taufik Hidayat is Excel’s dad; as they were had relationship few years ago.

    Anny said that Excel need to meet his father at least once a life time, and Taufik’s confession needed to get Excel’s Indonesian Legal letter of Birth. Taufik refused to confess, and demanding DNA test to prove it.

    Hm, I think I know who is Excel’s father exactly, Microsoft Office!

  15. #661
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default Good for a Laugh..

    ..some of you have probably seen these-if not, enjoy!

    ME FIRST!



    Diversionary tactic



    Words of Wisdom



    A fortune to remember



    Not my job



    Timotei Ad



    QUEEN OF THE BLONDES



    What will I be when I grow up?

    This is just too priceless not to share!






  16. #662
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    Chinese Names to avoide



    Mandarin

    Paul Chan - Bankrupt
    Anne Chang - Dirty
    Faye Chen - Dusty
    Anne Chin - Keep quiet
    Henry Mah - Hate your mum
    Jane Tan - Frying eggs
    Nelson Tan - Bird laying eggs
    Leslie Tong - Rubbish bin

    Hokkien

    Carl Cheng - Buttock
    Monica Cheng - Touching your buttocks
    Lucy Leow - You are dead
    Suzie Leow - Lost till death
    Lim Yew Lin - Drink urine
    Lim Teh Peng - Drink iced tea
    Danny See - Squeeze you to death
    Corrine Tai - Poor fellow
    Rosie Teng - Screws and nails
    Carmen Tng - Leg hair long
    Pete Tsai - Nose droppings

    Cantonese

    Connie Mah - Call your mother
    Macy Koh - Never die before
    Michael Tan - Sell eggs
    Michael Loong - Sell chicken cage

  17. #663
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default Adventurous Masters in Transportation..

    ...alright, here are pics which some of you probably have seen before..if not, enjoy!




























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