Jokes

[Oldhand]

that's a good one. made me smile today!

Isn't that what we are all here for?

[jug8man]

anybody has real jokes to post here? Admin / mods generally don;t like 'too much off topic chat-speak'.

Some of you may have read this before some where else. But for those who haven't... enjoy.
*
Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up
and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks
the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters: "Will
it take ME?"

[Oldhand]

anybody has real jokes to post here? Admin / mods generally don;t like 'too much off topic chat-speak'.

Some of you may have read this before some where else. But for those who haven't... enjoy.
*
Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up
and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks
the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters: "Will
it take ME?"

I'd think that a joke is anything that makes one laugh or smile
This is a chit-chat sub-forum... should be alright if you're smiling or making others smile

[azabaz_ipoh]

Isn't that what we are all here for?

I'd think that a joke is anything that makes one laugh or smile
This is a chit-chat sub-forum... should be alright if you're smiling or making others smile

agree

[koo_fan]

anybody has real jokes to post here? Admin / mods generally don;t like 'too much off topic chat-speak'.

Some of you may have read this before some where else. But for those who haven't... enjoy.
*
Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up
and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks
the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."
At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters: "Will
it take ME?"

looking for more jokes.

[Lobeh]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

[azabaz_ipoh]

that is so funny. the second joke i mean. har har har.

[Armor_tec_14]

Ahahaaa ! The first joke and the joke above me are the best out the lot of them !!

[Oldhand]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

These ones rock

I laughed so loudly at the first one that my wife came over to see why

And then she read the second one...
...you bet she didn't find it funny (probably because it's so like her )

Of course, I got a dirty look

[pjswift]

Lobeh, thanks for the neat jokes. Was i glad I checked this up. Second joke should be a great one to help reduce marital irritants.

[jug8man]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

Excelent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it really hit the spot

[Lobeh]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s going to start.”

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”

“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”

The husband sighed. “Damn, it’s started.”

[Oldhand]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s going to start.”

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”

“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”

The husband sighed. “Damn, it’s started.”

You're on a roll
And it looks like you're married too

[Lobeh]

Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse!

Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches and the Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

[azabaz_ipoh]

har har har, you have some real good jokes there lobeh.

[cooler]

Schumacher may be Germany's fastest taxi driver
Tue Dec 11, 2:33 PM ET

Michael Schumacher may well be the fastest taxi driver in Germany after the seven-times world champion shocked a cab driver by taking over the wheel in order to be on time for a flight.

Schumacher, 38, flew into the aerodrome at the Bavarian town of Coburg on Saturday and took a taxi to the village of Gehuelz, 30 kilometres away, to pick up a new puppy - an Australian Shepherd dog called "Ed".

But when the former Formula One ace, plus his wife and two children, caught a taxi back to the airport they were short on time and, after a polite request, cab driver Tuncer Yilmaz watched in wonder as Schumacher took the wheel.

"I found myself in the passenger seat, which was strange enough, but to have "Schumi" behind the wheel of my cab was incredible," Mr Yilmaz told the Muenchner Abendzeitung.

"He drove at full throttle around the corners and over-took in some unbelievable places."

Mr Yilmaz was well rewarded for the unusual journey - on top of the 60 euros (88 US dollars) fare, he was also given a 100 euros (146 US dollars) tip.

Schumacher's spokesperson Sabine Kehm later confirmed the story.

The German track ace, who now lives in Switzerland, retired from Formula One in 2006 after a glittering career and, despite test drives for his old team Ferarri, has insisted there is no chance of a return to racing.

[ctjcad]

..was probably looking for the sixth gear, but only to find the speedometer can only go as fast as 160kph..