User Tag List

Page 46 of 102 FirstFirst ... 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 96 ... LastLast
Results 766 to 782 of 1719

Thread: Jokes

  1. #766
    Moderator Oldhand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Asia
    Posts
    7,332
    Mentioned
    11 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by azabaz_ipoh View Post
    that's a good one. made me smile today!
    Isn't that what we are all here for?

  2. #767
    Regular Member jug8man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Malaysia
    Posts
    2,082
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    anybody has real jokes to post here? Admin / mods generally don;t like 'too much off topic chat-speak'.

    Some of you may have read this before some where else. But for those who haven't... enjoy.
    *
    Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up
    and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks
    the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
    The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."
    At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters: "Will
    it take ME?"

  3. #768
    Moderator Oldhand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Asia
    Posts
    7,332
    Mentioned
    11 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jug8man View Post
    anybody has real jokes to post here? Admin / mods generally don;t like 'too much off topic chat-speak'.

    Some of you may have read this before some where else. But for those who haven't... enjoy.
    *
    Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up
    and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks
    the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
    The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."
    At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters: "Will
    it take ME?"
    I'd think that a joke is anything that makes one laugh or smile
    This is a chit-chat sub-forum... should be alright if you're smiling or making others smile

  4. #769
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Ipoh, Malaysia
    Posts
    1,992
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Oldhand View Post
    Isn't that what we are all here for?
    Quote Originally Posted by Oldhand View Post
    I'd think that a joke is anything that makes one laugh or smile
    This is a chit-chat sub-forum... should be alright if you're smiling or making others smile
    agree

  5. #770
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Shah Alam
    Posts
    2,851
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jug8man View Post
    anybody has real jokes to post here? Admin / mods generally don;t like 'too much off topic chat-speak'.

    Some of you may have read this before some where else. But for those who haven't... enjoy.
    *
    Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up
    and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks
    the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
    The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry."
    At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles and twitters: "Will
    it take ME?"
    looking for more jokes.

  6. #771
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    LONDON
    Posts
    52
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters:
    'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
    'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
    'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'


    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
    Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
    The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
    The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

  7. #772
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Ipoh, Malaysia
    Posts
    1,992
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    that is so funny. the second joke i mean. har har har.

  8. #773
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    424
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Ahahaaa ! The first joke and the joke above me are the best out the lot of them !!

  9. #774
    Moderator Oldhand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Asia
    Posts
    7,332
    Mentioned
    11 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lobeh View Post
    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters:
    'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
    'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
    'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'


    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
    Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
    The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
    The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
    These ones rock

    I laughed so loudly at the first one that my wife came over to see why

    And then she read the second one...
    ...you bet she didn't find it funny (probably because it's so like her )

    Of course, I got a dirty look

  10. #775
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    singapore
    Posts
    3,321
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Lobeh, thanks for the neat jokes. Was i glad I checked this up. Second joke should be a great one to help reduce marital irritants.

  11. #776
    Regular Member jug8man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Malaysia
    Posts
    2,082
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lobeh View Post
    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters:
    'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
    'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
    'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'


    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
    Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
    The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
    The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

    Excelent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it really hit the spot

  12. #777
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    LONDON
    Posts
    52
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”

    She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s going to start.”

    This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”

    “That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”

    The husband sighed. “Damn, it’s started.”

  13. #778
    Moderator Oldhand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Asia
    Posts
    7,332
    Mentioned
    11 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lobeh View Post
    A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.”

    She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s going to start.”

    This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”

    “That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?”

    The husband sighed. “Damn, it’s started.”
    You're on a roll
    And it looks like you're married too

  14. #779
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    LONDON
    Posts
    52
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse!

    Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches and the Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

    Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped.

    Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

  15. #780
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Ipoh, Malaysia
    Posts
    1,992
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    har har har, you have some real good jokes there lobeh.

  16. #781
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Basement Boiler Room
    Posts
    22,118
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default this is funny

    Schumacher may be Germany's fastest taxi driver
    Tue Dec 11, 2:33 PM ET

    Michael Schumacher may well be the fastest taxi driver in Germany after the seven-times world champion shocked a cab driver by taking over the wheel in order to be on time for a flight.

    Schumacher, 38, flew into the aerodrome at the Bavarian town of Coburg on Saturday and took a taxi to the village of Gehuelz, 30 kilometres away, to pick up a new puppy - an Australian Shepherd dog called "Ed".

    But when the former Formula One ace, plus his wife and two children, caught a taxi back to the airport they were short on time and, after a polite request, cab driver Tuncer Yilmaz watched in wonder as Schumacher took the wheel.

    "I found myself in the passenger seat, which was strange enough, but to have "Schumi" behind the wheel of my cab was incredible," Mr Yilmaz told the Muenchner Abendzeitung.

    "He drove at full throttle around the corners and over-took in some unbelievable places."

    Mr Yilmaz was well rewarded for the unusual journey - on top of the 60 euros (88 US dollars) fare, he was also given a 100 euros (146 US dollars) tip.

    Schumacher's spokesperson Sabine Kehm later confirmed the story.

    The German track ace, who now lives in Switzerland, retired from Formula One in 2006 after a glittering career and, despite test drives for his old team Ferarri, has insisted there is no chance of a return to racing.

  17. #782
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    u.s.a.
    Posts
    19,157
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default ^^Schumi...^^

    ..was probably looking for the sixth gear, but only to find the speedometer can only go as fast as 160kph..

Page 46 of 102 FirstFirst ... 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 96 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Strange...Can't Find the Jokes anymore???
    By Young Yang in forum Chit-Chat
    Replies: 2
    : 05-03-2008, 12:04 PM
  2. Some jokes during our suppertime@ccc
    By chris-ccc in forum CCC Badminton Club
    Replies: 3
    : 06-20-2007, 12:31 PM
  3. tennis player jokes
    By The Badminator in forum Chit-Chat
    Replies: 7
    : 04-28-2007, 04:01 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •