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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1004
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    Default fruits personification

    i'm a little lazy, can anyone direct me to the post with the fruits that have emotions or actions. they used fruits to create stories or something.

  2. #1005
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    Default A bit of weekend laff..

    ..(some of you have probably seen these; if not, enjoy!)

    since halloween is coming up (this by no means signify that i or BC endorse halloween), here are 2 halloween-related jokes....

    Ha ha ha ha



    Drink responsibly this Halloween!
    ================================================== =============
    HALLOWEEN IS GOING TO SUCK THIS YEAR !! (is cooler going trick or treating??..)


    ================================================== =============
    I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline...



    Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
    Last edited by ctjcad; 10-12-2008 at 02:17 AM.

  3. #1006
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    Did you see this?
    http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081013/...C79D93qWWs0NUE
    Thank god LD or LCW or TH does that... We badminton player holds much much higher standard.

  4. #1007
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    Quote Originally Posted by silentheart View Post
    Did you see this?
    http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081013/...C79D93qWWs0NUE
    Thank god LD or LCW or TH does that... We badminton player holds much much higher standard.
    Shame on Wang Hao. Counseling only!? He should be suspended for at least 1 year.

  5. #1008
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad;1001830[COLOR="Black"
    HALLOWEEN IS GOING TO SUCK THIS YEAR !![/COLOR] (is cooler going trick or treating??..)
    tricks of course

  6. #1009
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler View Post
    tricks of course
    There are these retards/kids on my street that go around every Halloween and smack eggs at people's garages. They hit my garage last year right after I painted it . I know they'll be back for more this year, and I'll be waiting with the pressure hose...

  7. #1010
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    "Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." -- George W. Bush speaking about the Wall Street crisis, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2008 (AP/Charles Dharapak)

    "First of all, I don't see America having problems." -- George W. Bush, interview with Bob Costas at the 2008 Olympics, Beijing, China, Aug. 10, 2008 (AP/Charles Dharapak)

    "What was the question? I’m 62, I’m having trouble remembering a lot of things." -- George W. Bush to a journalist at a press conference in Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008 (AP/Ron Edmonds)

    Let's make sure that there is certainty during uncertain times in our economy." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 2, 2008 (AP/Evan Vucci)

    "I know the democratic spirit is alive in our country because there was a big vote recently: The new American Idol got about 55 million votes." -- George W. Bush, Greenville, S.C., May 31, 2008 (AP/Evan Vucci)

    "Do I think somebody lied to me? No, I don’t. I think it was just, you know, they analyzed the situation and came up with the wrong conclusion." -- George W. Bush, after being asked whether he felt he had been misled about Iraq, Washington, D.C., May 13, 2008 (AP/J. Scott Applewhite)

    I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008 (AP/Charles Dharapak)

    "I got a lot of Ph.D.-types and smart people around me who come into the Oval Office and say, 'Mr. President, here's what's on my mind.' And I listen carefully to their advice. But having gathered the device, I decide, you know, I say, 'This is what we're going to do.'" -- George W. Bush, Lancaster, Pa., Oct. 3, 2007 (AP/Gerald Herbert)

    "I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas." -- George W. Bush, on the former South African president, who is still very much alive, Washington, D.C., Sept. 20, 2007 (AP/Haraz N. Ghanbari)

    "The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007 (AP/Ron Edmonds)
    (maybe the 911 conspiracy theory has a case ) LOL


    You know, I guess I'm like any other political figure: Everybody wants to be loved." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007 (AP/Haraz N. Ghanbari)


    "Are you going to ask that question with shades on?" -- George W. Bush in an exchange with legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006 (AP/Ron Edmonds)

    “Wow! Brazil is big.” -- George W. Bush, after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005 (AP/Gerald Herbert)


    You work three jobs? Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." -- George W. Bush to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Neb., Feb. 4, 2005 (AP/Christophe Ena)

    "We thought we were protected forever from trade policy or terrorist attacks because oceans protected us." -- George W. Bush, speaking to business leaders at APEC Summit, Santiago, Chile, Nov. 20, 2004 (AP/Charles Dharapak)

    "I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004 (AP/Lawrence Jackson)

    "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” -- George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (AP/J. Scott Applewhite)

    “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (AP/Ron Edmonds)

    “See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.” -- George W. Bush, Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003 (AP/Carolyn Kaster)

    “There’s an old…saying in Tennessee…I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once…(3 second pause)… Shame on…(4 second pause)…Shame on you….(6 second pause)…Fool me…Can’t get fooled again.” -- George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002. (AP/Ron Edmonds)

    "They misunderestimated me." -- George W. Bush, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000 (AP/Ron Edmonds)

    "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." -- George W. Bush, Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000 (AP/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

  8. #1011
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    Thumbs up Omg

    Watch this video.
    It's an absolute cracker

  9. #1012
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    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

    She puts on her dressing gown
    and goes downstairs to look for him.

    She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front
    of him.
    He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

    She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

    'What's the matter, dear?
    'she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are
    you down here at this time of night?'

    The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?
    'he says solemnly.

    The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

    'Yes, I do'she replies.

    The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

    'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

    'Yes, I remember!'
    said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

    The husband continues.
    'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my faceand said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

    'I remember that too' she replies softly.

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...



    'I would have been released today.'

  10. #1013
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oldhand View Post
    Watch this video.
    It's an absolute cracker
    Promised so much but failed to deliver the killer punchline

  11. #1014
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oldhand View Post
    Watch this video.
    It's an absolute cracker
    It's funny, but it's sad that that may really happen very soon.

  12. #1015
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    too funny...........
    Quote Originally Posted by Oldhand View Post
    Watch this video.
    It's an absolute cracker

  13. #1016
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default (No joking matter)...

    Quote Originally Posted by cooler View Post
    ..(cooler's fave president's W's jokes snipped for brevity)..
    **this just crossed my mind...I think we should enjoy these jokes because with just a couple or so weeks away til the U.S. general election and W's days as the Commander in Chief numbered, i realize:
    - if the next President comes from the incumbent party, the jokes will probably continue to fill the air...however..
    - if the next President comes from the non-incumbent party, then we might be hard pressed to make similar jokes...hmmmm..

    anyway, i'm all for fair game...

  14. #1017
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad View Post
    **this just crossed my mind...I think we should enjoy these jokes because with just a couple or so weeks away til the U.S. general election and W's days as the Commander in Chief numbered, i realize:
    - if the next President comes from the incumbent party, the jokes will probably continue to fill the air...however..
    - if the next President comes from the non-incumbent party, then we might be hard pressed to make similar jokes...hmmmm..

    anyway, i'm all for fair game...
    nah, politican jokes are endless

    make your own caption
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  15. #1018
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default Next Season on Dancing With The Stars!!

    ..(some of you have probably seen this; if not, enjoy!)










  16. #1019
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad View Post
    ..(some of you have probably seen this; if not, enjoy!)
    i think US need 2 presidents and 2 VPs to get itself out of this financial mess
    Last edited by cooler; 10-22-2008 at 03:25 PM.

  17. #1020
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler View Post
    nah, politican jokes are endless

    make your own caption
    John McCain's game face

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