User Tag List

Page 68 of 102 FirstFirst ... 18 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 ... LastLast
Results 1,140 to 1,156 of 1719

Thread: Jokes

  1. #1140
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    u.s.a.
    Posts
    19,157
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default OK...now with the new president...

    ..(some of you have probably seen/read these; if not, enjoy)..

    "There was a little confusion at the meeting there at the White House when President Bush was told that Obama was coming. He said 'Oh, you mean we caught him?'" --David Letterman

    "See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I'm gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn't give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

    "I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things are going downhill quickly, but Obama's new campaign slogan is 'Are you better off than you were four days ago?'" --Bill Maher

    On his image: "Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth. Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president. If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome." --Obama at the Al Smith Dinner

















    and last but not least...


  2. #1141
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    2,272
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

    Has anybody read those??? They're awesome!

  3. #1142
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Basement Boiler Room
    Posts
    22,118
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Athelete1234 View Post
    http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

    Has anybody read those??? They're awesome!
    yes, but they left out one small detail
    chuck norris call bruce lee, daddy.

  4. #1143
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canda
    Posts
    111
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    SHORT LOVE STORY

    A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to
    other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a
    trans-continental train.

    Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were
    both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in
    the lower.

    At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman
    saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing
    to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

    'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's
    pretend that we're married.'

    'Wow!...................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

    'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own effin blanket.'

    After a moment of silence, .......................he farted.
    The End

  5. #1144
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    u.s.a.
    Posts
    19,157
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default This is why the U.S. is Number One!!!

    ..(some of you have probably seen/read this; if not, well...)..

    Is America great or what….!!!

    http://apnews.excite.com/article/200...D963GJPG0.html

  6. #1145
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Singapore
    Posts
    221
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Medical Advancement

    An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
    can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking
    for work in six weeks..'

    A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one
    person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

    A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we
    can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them
    both looking for work in two weeks.'

    An American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way
    behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him
    in the White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking
    for work.'

  7. #1146
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    coming to a court near you...
    Posts
    28,042
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default In honour of the year of the Ox... errr... COW

    Someone sent this to me. Yes, I know it's been around for a while but recycling's good, right?

    You have two cows

    TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and buy a bull.
    Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
    You sell them and retire on the income.

    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
    You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.

    A JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.

    A GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    Both are mad.

    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
    You break for lunch..

    A SWISS CORPORATION
    You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
    You charge others for storing them.

    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have 300 people milking them..
    You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
    You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.

    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You worship them.

    A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
    Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60. Pay this price or the supply gets cut.
    When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
    The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead.
    Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

    And last but not least,

    A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    One cow-peh and one cow-bu.

  8. #1147
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    u.s.a.
    Posts
    19,157
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default ^^Oh, yes..^^

    ..i think a similar one has been posted in here before (different subject)..

  9. #1148
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    LONDON
    Posts
    52
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

    This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

    I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."

    I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

    I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

    I went to the local video shop and I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

    I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

    I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"

    My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

    I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

    I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

    I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.

    I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

    The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

    I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for the custard."

    This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

    I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

    I phoned the local builders today; I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

    This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

    I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

    I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

    I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.

    I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

    I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Robbie Williams.

  10. #1149
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    u.s.a.
    Posts
    19,157
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Here it is..

    Quote Originally Posted by madbad View Post
    Someone sent this to me. Yes, I know it's been around for a while but recycling's good, right?
    ...
    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad View Post
    ..i think a similar one has been posted in here before (different subject)..
    ..apparently it's the same subject...
    http://www.badmintoncentral.com/foru...741#post613741 (post #607)

  11. #1150
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    u.s.a.
    Posts
    19,157
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Going once, going twice, sold!!...

    ..(some of you have probably seen this; if not, enjoy)..
    Watch that gavel....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x64Yt7SnIo

  12. #1151
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Mississauga, Canada
    Posts
    686
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad View Post
    ..(some of you have probably seen this; if not, enjoy)..
    Watch that gavel....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x64Yt7SnIo
    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
    good one

  13. #1152
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Mississauga, Canada
    Posts
    686
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    if you are unaware, there's a youtube channel called FAILBLOG
    they also have a website, the basic idea of failblog is: "finding pleasure in other people's pain"
    http://www.youtube.com/failblog
    http://www.failblog.com

    here is a sample: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq1z5yko5HI

  14. #1153
    Moderator Oldhand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Asia
    Posts
    7,328
    Mentioned
    11 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jchan04 View Post
    Ouch!
    That reminds me of Tchaikovsky's 'The Nutcracker Suite'

  15. #1154
    Moderator Oldhand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Asia
    Posts
    7,328
    Mentioned
    11 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Well, some people just don't know what's coming even if they can see it
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxGGyVklPHg

  16. #1155
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    coming to a court near you...
    Posts
    28,042
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    OK, this was covered in another thread, but being such a good yet entertaining) failure, it makes it in this one too.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNQLmHKlmiE&NR=1

  17. #1156
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    2,272
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

Page 68 of 102 FirstFirst ... 18 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Strange...Can't Find the Jokes anymore???
    By Young Yang in forum Chit-Chat
    Replies: 2
    : 05-03-2008, 12:04 PM
  2. Some jokes during our suppertime@ccc
    By chris-ccc in forum CCC Badminton Club
    Replies: 3
    : 06-20-2007, 12:31 PM
  3. tennis player jokes
    By The Badminator in forum Chit-Chat
    Replies: 7
    : 04-28-2007, 04:01 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •