Results 1,157 to 1,173 of 1713
02-07-2009, 09:22 PM #1157
02-07-2009, 09:44 PM #1158
02-07-2009, 10:29 PM #1159
02-07-2009, 10:37 PM #1160
02-07-2009, 10:44 PM #1161
02-07-2009, 11:57 PM #1162
02-08-2009, 12:03 AM #1163
02-08-2009, 12:10 AM #1164
02-08-2009, 01:32 AM #1165
The guy belted it out here earlier..
02-08-2009, 03:40 PM #1166
02-08-2009, 03:45 PM #1167
02-08-2009, 03:51 PM #1168
02-08-2009, 03:54 PM #1169
02-10-2009, 02:19 PM #1170
02-11-2009, 09:22 AM #1171
Middle of the week jokes..
..(some of you have probably read these; if not, enjoy!)..
‘Good News and Bad News’
Good news and bad news from FEMA. The bad news is FEMA says some of the disaster relief food they have may contain salmonella-tainted peanut butter. The good news is that since it’s FEMA, it will be years before it gets to anybody.
Oh, here’s a bad sign. In Hawaii, a billion dollar Navy warship has run aground. They can’t get it unstuck. Its name? The U.S.S. Economy.
And the jobless rate has jumped to 7.6 percent, the worst since 1974, and economists are now worried this could lead to a resurgence of disco.
I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, President Barack Obama’s new slogan is “Spare Change You Can Believe In.”
The economy is so bad, New York Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez had to switch from steroids to Flintstone vitamins.
And an elderly man in Boynton Beach, Florida, was arrested after he called 911 to report that the Burger King he was standing in had just run out of lemonade. It is so sad to see what’s happened to John McCain since the election.
‘No Surprise Here’
Last night, right here on CBS, they aired the annual Grammy Awards, and no surprise here, the Grammy for Best Duo went to Aretha Franklin and her hat.
Anybody here in New York for the Westminster Kennel Club dog show? Some unfortunate news. A Jack Russell Terrier had to drop out because of tax problems.
‘Things Are Winding Down Here’
In Massachusetts, the lesbian couple who led the fight to legalize gay marriage has now filed for divorce. It’s sad. Yeah. The couple is really upset because they always swore they’d stay together for the sake of the cat.
Things are winding down here on the “Late Night” show. Only 10 shows left, including tonight. A lot has changed since I started the show. When we came on the air back in 1993, the Federal debt was $4 trillion. Now, $4 trillion is how much President Obama’s Cabinet owes in back taxes.
‘50 Tickets in One Day’
Michael Phelps can now blow smoke rings in the shape of the Olympics logo. – Jeff Sawyer
A-Rod’s name has been leaked as only one of 104 players who reportedly tested positive for steroids in 2003. Maybe we should put a flag with an asterisk out in front of the Baseball Hall of Fame and be done with it. – Janice Hough, Palo Alto, Calif.
Women may soon outnumber men in the U.S. workforce for the first time in history. Proving women still can’t win, the report came out a day after President Obama put a $500,000 cap on C.E.O. pay. — Paul Seaburn, Spring, Texas
In Florida, traffic cops gave a guy 50 tickets in one day. First he didn’t have white shoes; next, no white belt; no blinker on while driving straight; no socks with his sandals; the list goes on and on. But worst of all, his car weighed only 3000 pounds. – Bill Williams
Last week Bill Gates released a jar full of mosquitoes into the audience during a presentation about malaria. People in the audience haven’t slapped themselves this much since Gates released Windows Vista. – Doug Austen
The F.D.A. has recently approved a drug made from goat’s milk. Unfortunately, for women, one of its side effects is hair growth on the chin. – Charles Almon
Money talks and taxes are how it eats its own words. – Gil Stern
‘Groomed, Blow-Dried and Flea-Dipped’
People are sick and tired of the cold weather. Here’s how cold it was today in Washington, D.C. Vice President Joe Biden put his foot in his mouth just to keep it warm.
Monday is the Westminster Kennel Club’s 133rd Annual Dog Show, where dogs are judged on appearance, so every dog is groomed, blow-dried and flea-dipped. You know, it’s the same thing they did to former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich for the impeachment trial.
President Brack Obama has relaxed the White House dress code. He’s the first president to do that since Bill Clinton, who, of course, established “Pants-Free Friday.”
02-12-2009, 07:16 PM #1172
Benny Hill meets bad women drivers (compilation video)..
..(okay, i'm sure some of you have seen this; if not, well...)..
For all the ladies, please watch with a good sense of humor...for the gents, please hold on to your seatbelt...
02-13-2009, 03:21 AM #1173
M.B.A Student (vs) B.E Student
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competitionorganized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip, set up their tent ,and fell asleep.Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says'Look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'The MBA replies, 'I see millions of stars.'The BE asks, 'What does that tell you?'
The MBA ponders for a minute.'Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxiesand potentially billions of planets.Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful andwe are small and insignificant.Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.What does it tell you?'The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.'Practically...Someone has stolen our tent'.
'ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE'
MBA = 100% What you think it should be......that's creative common sense!Objective vs Subjective
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