Jokes

**drop2it** · 02-28-2009, 02:44 PM

Q: Why do beavers have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.

Q: Why do bears have big feet?
A: To stamp out burning beavers

**cooler** · 02-28-2009, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by drop2it

Q: Why do beavers have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.

Q: Why do bears have big feet?
A: To stamp out burning beavers

who's gonna stamp out the burning bear?

**jymbalaya** · 02-28-2009, 03:54 PM

Smokey the bear. Only he can prevent forest fires.

**ctjcad** · 03-13-2009, 07:59 PM

..okay, some fun for the weekend...some of you have probably seen & read these; if not, enjoy & enjoy your weekend!..

Painless Birth..

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out.

Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic, and she was able to leave the hospital within a few hours.

When they got home they found the UPS man dead on the porch.
================================================== =========
Gallows Humor (on the current economy)..

Just a little dark humor..funny, but scary..

**stellarindia01** · 03-14-2009, 04:33 AM

Hi,

Its good and I really like it. Thank you so much for making me laugh.

Stella

**extremenanopowe** · 03-14-2009, 09:06 PM

Nice one...........!!

**ctjcad** · 03-15-2009, 03:28 PM

..(some of you have probably seen this; if not, hope you won't encounter such incident)..

Asian lady ordering @ drive-thru fast food..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2GAhGubfWM

**Qidong** · 03-18-2009, 12:35 PM

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

--

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God..'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
'They will in a minute.'

--

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
'Thou shall not kill.'

--

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white..'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

--

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the ro om rang out, 'And there's the teacher,
she's dead.'

--

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

--

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

**demolidor** · 03-18-2009, 01:16 PM

Taken straight from the Mizuno website today

:

***Oldhand*** · 03-18-2009, 07:46 PM

Hahahahaha... I've always held this view.
A few of my colleagues aren't going to be amused

***kwun*** · 03-18-2009, 09:08 PM

Originally Posted by demolidor

Taken straight from the Mizuno website today

:

absolutely brilliant!

**Athelete1234** · 03-18-2009, 10:08 PM

Golf isn't a sport??? I dont' really get it...

**madbad** · 03-18-2009, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by Athelete1234

Golf isn't a sport??? I dont' really get it...

Don't worry, there's an anti-golf sentiment around.Of course golf's a sport, and a darn good one.

**demolidor** · 03-19-2009, 06:43 AM

To be fair you still have to put in countless of practice hours to be a topgolfer and at the end of the day this activity has a million dollar check waiting while another 50k with any luck. But still it would be hard to put it in the same category after watching something like this for instance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZnD9FJTFUU (just skip the talking and the 1st minute). The worst thing about golf is the crowd though

.

**cooler** · 03-19-2009, 01:24 PM

i heard a rumor that NY is planning to fine people with IPOD crossing public streets. City hall is flooded with complaints from drivers who said it is dangersous to swerve to avoid hitting these kids while using their cellphone.

**ctjcad** · 03-19-2009, 03:26 PM

..okay, mid-week funnies..(some of you have probably seen these; if not, think twice the next time you're about to chew those veggies)..

*i didn't know our kwun actually reads this thread

; first time seeing him post in here; i'm sure he has plenty of jokes to share w/us..

**Athelete1234** · 03-19-2009, 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by demolidor

To be fair you still have to put in countless of practice hours to be a topgolfer and at the end of the day this activity has a million dollar check waiting while another 50k with any luck. But still it would be hard to put it in the same category after watching something like this for instance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZnD9FJTFUU (just skip the talking and the 1st minute). The worst thing about golf is the crowd though

.

You mean like the Japan Open crowd for badminton???