Jokes

**pBmMalaysia** · 03-28-2010, 12:18 PM

colored man - joke of d month!

**jchan04** · 03-30-2010, 03:14 PM

people upload these videos about stunts that should never be attempted.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJWV6R9fiLg

here's one of the compliation

**Carrots** · 04-06-2010, 10:32 PM

A mom is talking with her three children.
1st Child: Mom, why is my name Rose?
Mom: Because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head.
2nd Child: Mom, why is my name Snowflake?
Mom: Because just as I was carrying you out of the hospital after you were born, a snowflake fell on your head.
3rd Child: sakfjh 4r8e FIASHF SIOufhadafsdf DO FfdjddSI
Mom: Shut up, Brick.

**ctjcad** · 04-08-2010, 03:30 AM

..some of you have read this; if not, enjoy..

================================================== =======
A Chinese guy and his English friend, both of whom don't understand each other's language, went out together for a dinner at a restaurant.
As the dinner ensues, every time the Chinese guy raises his wine glass, he uttered to his English friend "Kan Pei!" (repeatedly).
And every time, the Englishman was stunned, yet continues with his dinner.

It continued as every time the Chinese guy wanted to drink, he yelled out "Kan Pei!"
Until finally, the Englishman put down his utensils and with a loud voice said to his Chinese friend, "It's all right if you CAN'T PAY! I will pay! Now
shut up!!

**venkatesh** · 04-08-2010, 03:34 AM

Originally Posted by ctjcad

..some of you have read this; if not, enjoy..

================================================== =======
A Chinese guy and his English friend, both of whom don't understand each other's language, went out together for a dinner at a restaurant.
As the dinner ensues, every time the Chinese guy raises his wine glass, he uttered to his English friend "Kan Pei!" (repeatedly).
And every time, the Englishman was stunned, yet continues with his dinner.

It continued as every time the Chinese guy wanted to drink, he yelled out "Kan Pei!"
Until finally, the Englishman put down his utensils and with a loud voice said to his Chinese friend, "It's all right if you CAN'T PAY! I will pay! Now
shut up!!

So what doe Kan Pei mean?

**Jagdpanther** · 04-08-2010, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by venkatesh

So what doe Kan Pei mean?

"Toast!" or something like that. CMIIW.

**robin7** · 04-15-2010, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by venkatesh

So what doe Kan Pei mean?

Originally Posted by Jagdpanther

"Toast!" or something like that. CMIIW.

It should be "Gan Bei" in Mandarin!

**robin7** · 04-15-2010, 07:31 AM

The Best Adult Jokes Contest 2009

Grand Prize USD50,000.00
1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know dear?"
Girl replied "Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."

First Prize USD25,000.00
(2) Immigrant Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have s3x with my wife - try it."
2 hours later...
Immigrant Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."

10 Consolation Prize USD10,000.00 each
(3) After s3x, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock.
Husband asked: "Why? Want to have s3x again?"
Wife replied: "No dear, I just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."

(4) Women's lives are hard. Morning, wash clothes. Noon, hang clothes.
Evening, keep clothes. Nite, iron clothes.
Midnight, take off clothes. After midnight, find clothes.

(6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.

(7) A woman's husband died and she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said, "Sweetheart, this is my last blow job for you."

(8) Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl, you will get one."
Girl: "But mom, what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many, dear!"

(9) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary: "If I give you USD3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra, Panties, Everything."

(10) Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the s3x Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."

(11) Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close-by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."

(12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a penis.
This is because it can be lifted up even by just a simple thought.

**shooting stroke** · 04-16-2010, 06:57 AM

A newly wed man who is extremely shy and close to his father, called his father using his mobile phone asking for guidance what to do during his first night.

man: Father, my wife is lying on the bed. What should i do?
father: you take off her cloth and ask her to do the same

man: Father, my wife took off my cloth already. Now what should i do?
father: you take off your pants and ask her to to take off whatever she is wearing!!!!

man: Father, now i am naked and also my wife...what should i do now?
father: for god sake....you insert with whatever you have!!!!

...........then his son inserted using his mobile phone!!!!!

**extremenanopowe** · 04-16-2010, 08:20 AM

hahahahahahahh....................

**george@chongwei** · 04-16-2010, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by shooting stroke

A newly wed man who is extremely shy and close to his father, called his father using his mobile phone asking for guidance what to do during his first night.

man: Father, my wife is lying on the bed. What should i do?
father: you take off her cloth and ask her to do the same

man: Father, my wife took off my cloth already. Now what should i do?
father: you take off your pants and ask her to to take off whatever she is wearing!!!!

man: Father, now i am naked and also my wife...what should i do now?
father: for god sake....you insert with whatever you have!!!!

...........then his son inserted using his mobile phone!!!!!

what a joke

...thanks for making me laugh and good night

**pBmMalaysia** · 04-16-2010, 10:10 AM

3 guards were caught sleeping and was called by the general for punishment. here's the story:

general: before i punish you, all of you go to the jungle and get me some fruits!
off they went and the first guard came back with 3 apples.

general: bring the apples to me, turn around and drop your pant!

the first guard did as was ordered and the general insert all 3 apples right into his a##-hole

1st guard: yakk.....yakk.....yakk.....

then came the 2nd guard with 3 oranges.....

the general did the same thing....

2nd guard: yakk..... yakk...... hahahahahaha....

general: why are you laughing?

2nd guard: see, see that last guard got so many durian!

**shooting stroke** · 04-17-2010, 01:03 PM

A poor married couple with 17 childrens went for a family planning counseling and was told by the doctor that using condom is the cheapest method......so one day father went to the nearby supermarket and was told the cheapest one is a rm 1.50 green coloured condom . He looked into his pocket and noted he only bought rm 1.40. Lack by 10 cent, he bargain and the supermarket guy said there are a stock clearance white coloured condom that he can buy at rm1.40. Happily he bought it and used it that night.

Unfortunately,after a month his wife got pregnant and successfully delivered a fair skin looking baby boy. Once the baby boy grown up, he asked his father the one he was waiting to ask:

son: father,why my skin look much fairer than all my sisters and brothers?
father: you should be gratefull my son, if father ADD 10 CENT MORE, YOU WILL BECOME GREEN already!!

**shooting stroke** · 04-19-2010, 05:12 AM

1st single - Homer Simpson
1st double - Darth Vader and Master Yoda
2nd single - Stephen Chow Sing Chi
2nd double - The three stooges (just pick any pair )
3rd single - George Bush

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahaha

**ctjcad** · 04-19-2010, 03:11 PM

..some have probably seen this; if not, take notice..

for couples, esp. guys, before going to sleep later tonight with your significant other..

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-...uddling-in-bed

**jchan04** · 04-22-2010, 07:34 AM

http://www.viddler.com/explore/failblog/videos/520/

lol on live television.

**T-maker** · 04-23-2010, 08:09 AM

Originally Posted by robin7

The Best Adult Jokes Contest 2009

(6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.

(6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose. ............

embarrassed and trying to continue his enquiry....

he asks ..again...

"sorry, anyone seen a Flying cock?"..

there was a hush and suddenly a loud rumble and the ground shook....

ALL B'CERS THE WHOLE WORLD STOOD UP........