Results 1,582 to 1,598 of 1713
10-23-2012, 09:33 AM #1582
BEER BY SEVEN YEAR OLDS
A handful of 7 year old children were asked 'What they thought of beer'.
'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mum gets.'
--Tim, 7 years old
'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. '
--Mellanie, 7 years old
'My Mum and Dad both like beer. My Mum gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'
--Grady, 7 years old
''My Mum and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'
--Toby, 7 years old
'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.
--Sarah, 7 years old
'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'
--Lilly, 7 years old
'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'
--Ethan, 7 years old
'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'
--Shirley, 7 years old
AND THE BEST RESPONSE
'My Mum drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'
--Jack, 7 years
10-25-2012, 07:48 PM #1583
An absolutely Brilliant Joke, ENJOY!!!
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's
his is mine."
So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a
mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue
readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times
"milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they're really smart .
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
You can forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor :-)
10-25-2012, 07:58 PM #1584
Yes, make up your mind for goodness sake!!!
A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him startedto breastfeed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on,
eat it all up or ... I'll haveto give it to this nice man here."
Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding,
so she said,"Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice
A few minutes later, the anxious manblurted out,"Come on, kid. Make up your mind!
I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
10-25-2012, 08:01 PM #1585
The Pussy The Bitch (Humor)
10-31-2012, 09:19 AM #1586
11-03-2012, 10:31 AM #1587
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."
The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
11-03-2012, 10:32 AM #1588
Two old women were talking about their *** lives. Ethel was upset because her *** life had really died, while Mildred said her *** life was great.
Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild *** the rest of the night."
Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight."
While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move.
Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an *******."
11-04-2012, 03:10 AM #1589
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're having ***,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price!
Qidong liked this post
11-05-2012, 06:15 AM #1590
No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
11-09-2012, 09:18 PM #1591
Once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate
love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons
into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
11-15-2012, 07:04 AM #1592
Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?
Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?
Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!
Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?
Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
This is one worth forwarding-have a great laugh!
11-15-2012, 07:09 AM #1593
The difference between CRAZY and STUPID
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to Mental Hospital. He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem... no wonder youare destined to be a truck driver..."
"Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked:"You're s o smart but why are you here at the Mental Hospital?" Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm CRAZY not STUPID!"
11-21-2012, 05:59 AM #1594
A little laughter
A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.
Your loving husband,
His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.
Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...
1.The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only
after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses
instead of the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only,
so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.
5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and
I hope I can survive the month using this balance.
Shall I plan the same for the next month?
Your Sweet Heart,
The moral of this story......
NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN
11-21-2012, 06:08 AM #1595
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the home owner's wife to the bed
The convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
Then gets up & goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail
And hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants ***,
Don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!'
His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute,
And asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too.'
Axeon liked this post
11-21-2012, 08:16 AM #1596
11-21-2012, 08:40 AM #1597
11-22-2012, 05:58 AM #1598
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a ****."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and ****."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."
The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea--
I'll use that!"
He left and came back with **** all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3
quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
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