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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1106
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qidong View Post
    OMG. This could be the biggest joke ever. Sounds like they are serious.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/money/200...francis_g.html
    not a joke when the bailout money is involved. No worry, Chris is on top of that one

    http://www.badmintoncentral.com/foru...&postcount=588

  2. #1107
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    Default Sunday School Mishap

    Sister Anne was a blind nun who taught Sunday School. Sleepy Suzy was a pupil in her class, and she happened to sit in front of Bad Johnny. One Sunday, Sister Anne decided to give an oral pop quiz to her students. Sleepy Suzy wasn't that interested, and soon nodded off. Sister Anne - being blind - failed to notice and fired off a question to Suzy anyways.
    'Suzy, in the beginning, who created the heavens and the earth?'
    When Suzy didn't answer, Bad Johnny poked her sharply with his pencil. Annoyed at being disturbed, she turned around and said angrily "Gawd Almighty!"
    Of course, Sister Anne saw none of this and congratulated Suzy for her correct response. After glaring at Johnny, Suzy turned around and went back to sleep.
    Some while later, Sister Anne asked Suzy another question:
    'Suzy, who is our Lord and Savior?'
    Again Suzy didn't answer, and again Johnny poked her hard with his pencil. This time, Suzy sat bolt upright and yelled out 'Jesus Christ!'
    After Sister Anne congratulated her, Suzy glared at Johnny, turned around, and went back to sleep.
    Time rolled on, and Suzy was asked a third question.
    'Suzy, what did Eve say to Adam after bearing his 15th child?'
    Suzy for a third time was jabbed by Johnny's pencil. In her usual display, she turned around and screamed:

    'IF YOU TRY TO STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!!!'

  3. #1108
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    Default Hicksville, U. S. of A.

    A junior journalist for a large newspaper is given the task to find some interesting stories that show the "heart" of rural America. After travelling for days, he comes across a nearly deserted hick town. On the porch of a decaying house, he finds a middle-aged man who is willing to answer the jounalists questions. Not realy sure where to start, the journalist asks the man,"Has anything ever happened here that made you happy?"
    The man pondered for a while and said, "well, once one of Farmer Bob's sheep got lost in the woods. All the men-folk around went in there to look for it. We found it, screwed it, and took it back to Farmer Bob. That made me happy."
    The reporter is disgusted and cries, "I can't print that! Don't you have anything else that made you happy?"
    The man pondered for a while and said, "Well, once one of Farmer Bob's daughters got lost in the woods. All the men-folk around went in there to look for her. We found her, screwed her, and took her back to Farmer Bob. That made me happy."
    "No, No! I can't print that!" said the journalist. Taking a final stab, he asks the man "Has anything ever happened that made you sad?"
    The man pondered for a while and said "Well, I got lost once..."

  4. #1109
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    Ahem, we're no prudes here... but we ain't bawdy.com either.
    Let's keep the jokes on the right side of 'colourful', please

  5. #1110
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    Begging your pardon, I realize that myself. Posting before bed is not a good idea. It won't happen again. In that spirit:

    Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

    A: Do you smell carrots?

  6. #1111
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default Walk in closet/fridge..

    ..(some of you have probably seen this; if not, enjoy!)
    Imagine some of us walking into a closet full of baddy goodies...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1ZZreXEqSY

  7. #1112
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    Default String Joke

    Ok, there are three pieces of string hanging out on the corner and they see a bar across the street.
    One piece of string goes, “I think I am gonna get a drink!”
    So he goes into the bar and says, “Bartender, get me a drink.”
    The bartender replies, “ARE YOU A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The string says, “YEA I’M A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The bartender yells, “GET OUT OF HERE, WE DON’T SERVE YOUR KIND!!!”
    So the string goes back to the others, pretty bummed out and says, “I couldn’t get a drink…”
    Then the second piece of string, determined to get a drink decides he is gonna give it a try.
    So he goes into the bar and says, “BARTENDER, GET ME A DRINK!”
    The bartender replies, “ARE YOU A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The string says, “YEA I’M A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The bartender yells, “GET OUT OF HERE, WE DON’T SERVE YOUR KIND!!!”
    So the string goes back to the others, really bummed out and says, “I couldn’t get a drink…”
    So the third piece of string says smiling, “Watch, I’m gonna get a drink!”
    So the string ties himself in a half loop, messes up his hair walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, get me a drink!”
    The bartender replies, “ARE YOU A PIECE OF STRING?!!”
    The string says, “Freyed knot!!”
    Last edited by Oldhand; 01-18-2009 at 09:41 PM. Reason: Jumbled

  8. #1113
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad View Post
    ..(some of you have probably seen this; if not, enjoy!)
    Imagine some of us walking into a closet full of baddy goodies...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1ZZreXEqSY
    lol.
    btw, i got this yesterday from a lady co-worker.
    They've found the cooler
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    Last edited by cooler; 01-16-2009 at 03:36 PM.

  9. #1114
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    Lol ... xD (15 char.)

  10. #1115
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    ROFL! That's brilliant.

  11. #1116
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    very cute. quite original...

  12. #1117
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    A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.

    The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

    He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line.

    "Whose funeral is it?"

    The man replied, "that first coffin is for my wife."

    "What happened to her?"

    "My dog attacked and killed her."

    "Well, who is in the second coffin? "

    "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."

    A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement , "Can I borrow the dog?"

    The man replied, "Join the queue

  13. #1118
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    CHILDREN ARE STILL THE GREATEST STORY TELLERS
    I was testing the children
    in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
    I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car,
    had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"

    "NO!" the children answered.

    "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard,
    and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" <IMG alt=[]>
    Again, the answer was, "NO!"
    By now I was starting to smile.
    Hey, this was fun!

    "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candyto all the children, and loved my husband,

    would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.

    Again, they all answered, "NO!"
    I was just bursting with pride for them.
    "Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

    A five-year-old boy shouted out,

    "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."










  14. #1119
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    hmm, is this to be of a concern?
    Attached Images Attached Images    

  15. #1120
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default ^^No cause for concern...^^

    ..but after what's been going on lately, my hunch says, the car will probably be on eBay in 4 or 8 more yrs..

    Btw, where is his "YES, YOU CAN" slogan???..
    Last edited by ctjcad; 01-19-2009 at 06:18 PM.

  16. #1121
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctjcad View Post
    ..but after what's been going on lately, my hunch says, the car will probably be on eBay in 4 or 8 more yrs..

    Btw, where is his "YES, YOU CAN" slogan???..
    Obama is a boleh guy.....BO Boleh! USA boleh! Canada boleh! Malaysia boleh!China boleh! Everybody boleh!...now, I really mix them up....Dato' Mahathir chant of Malaysia Boleh spirit finally made it to USA the beautiful...
    With the world in an economic mess, we really need someone to 'boleh'...

  17. #1122
    Regular Member ctjcad's Avatar
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    Default Why did the chicken cross the road?? (continuation)..

    ..(some of you have probably read this; if not, enjoy!)..
    This is a continuation from post#441

    SARAH PALIN : Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

    JOHN McCAIN : My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

    HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little Chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

    DICK CHENEY : Where’s my gun?

    COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

    BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken.
    What is your definition of chicken?

    AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white ? We need some black chickens!

    NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

    Some BC members:

    Pemuda : The chicken is going to cross the road? The chicken will never cross the road. Period. Any side bet?

    badadum : To see if the chicken has more than 50% chance of crossing the road, err make that 50%, no, make that more than 50%

    X Ball : The chicken will cross the road, no question about it.

    george@chongwei : Is that really a chicken??

    limsy : OH..hehe..i know tat..the chicken is crossing the road...u noe too??...........sorry for off topic...

    Hau-ge : Sidenews: I heard the chicken hates the food.

    jerby : What is the probability of the chicken crossing the road??

    Oldhand : Because the chicken is banned from that side of the road. Banned, banned, banned!

    jamesd20 : Why did Oldhand ban the chicken from that side of the road?

    cooler : LOL...i know...LOL...the chicken...LOL...will cross...LOL...the road...LOL..i know it will...LOL

    taneepak : Look, the chicken has a history of being afraid of crossing the road. If the chicken has a history of being afraid of crossing the road, then give me the chicken and i will make it cross the road.

    silentheart : The chicken is so dead!!

    madbad : The chicken crossed the road to see some Korean cuties.

    kwun : ......

    COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

    and last but not least....yes, you all guessed it..

    BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! (YES THE CHICKEN CAN, TOO!)
    Last edited by ctjcad; 01-21-2009 at 04:59 PM.

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