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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1497
    Regular Member extremenanopowe's Avatar
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    Subject: Legal but not Logical JUST A LAWYER'S JOKE.

    Legal but not Logical?
    A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

    Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

    Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

    Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

    Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?"

    Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

    The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

    The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to
    answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

    To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students
    immediately raise their hands.

    "All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer

    "It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."



  2. #1498
    Regular Member extremenanopowe's Avatar
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    When you finish reading this, do not forget one simple fact, in this team Lone Ranger was supposed
    to be the "management"!
    With your life experience, what does this joke remind you of?

    As for the young recipients, you will meet plenty of "Lone Rangers" in work place, in your lifetime,
    smile and enjoy the tragedy.





    The Lone Ranger















    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
    After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep








    Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
    "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what do you see? "








    The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars"







    "What does that tell you?" asked Tonto.












    The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
    "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies

    and potentially billions of planets.
    Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.








    Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
    Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
    Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

    What's it tell you, Tonto?"

















    "You dumber than buffalo full of **** - it tells me someone stole the tent."



















































































  3. #1499
    Administrator kwun's Avatar
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    Pretty old one but still funny nontheless.

    > Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4

    > pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military
    > jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
    > The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions
    > with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
    >
    > British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it
    > on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements
    > were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the
    > gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled
    > out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed
    > it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped
    > the engineer's back- rest in two, and embedded itself in the
    > back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
    >
    > The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the
    > experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged
    > the scientists for suggestions.
    >
    > NASA responded with a one-line memo, "Defrost the chicken."
    > (True story)

  4. #1500
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    Frozen water or meat or a combination of can be quite deadly or should we say very solid.

    Check this out:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99iiGApF4Zc

  5. #1501
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    This has got to be one of the best singles ads ever printed.
    It appeared in The Otago Daily Times.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    SINGLE BLACK FEMALE

    Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play.

    I love long walks in the woods, riding in your Ute, hunting, camping and Duck shooting, cozy nights lying by the fire.

    Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond.

    I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.

    Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (03) 475-6420 and ask for Daisy.








    Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Otago branch of the SPCA about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
    Men are so easy.

  6. #1502
    Regular Member extremenanopowe's Avatar
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    The following were taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds:

    WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?



    Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

    A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!

    Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

    When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

    They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowersand also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

    They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

    Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie yourshoes.

    They wear glasses and funny underwear.

    They can take their teeth and gums out.

    Grandparents don't have to be smart.

    They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

    When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

    Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

    They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

    MY GRANDMOTHER LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.

    GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

    It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

  7. #1503
    Regular Member extremenanopowe's Avatar
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    The local swimming pond



    An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years, he had a huge man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area,

    For years it was the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer grew older, his "Oasis" was used less and less.

    It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbors occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an appearence.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, he hadn't been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check on things.

    As he neared the pond, he heard loud playful voices giggling and laughing.

    As he came closer he was astonished to see that a bunch of young women had decided to skinny dip in his pond.

    He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

    One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

    The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond n*ked, I'm here to feed the alligator."

  8. #1504
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    Self-explanatory ...




  9. #1505
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    Quote Originally Posted by demolidor View Post
    Self-explanatory ...



    I never laughed so hard. LOL LOL

  10. #1506
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    Quote Originally Posted by demolidor View Post
    Self-explanatory ...



    I don't get it. What is the driver trying to do?

  11. #1507
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    The description here says trying to (parallel) park but I think she is actually trying to turn around (I should look up the original with russian description). Maybe the road is blocked or one way ... In any case the people in the car filming make it stand out from the countless of other similar vids. The stunned silence near the end as she backs up onto the railing is also priceless . Glad many cars there have onboard camera for insurance purposes to provide us with these kinds of traffic vids .

    Here is something else rather remarkable

    Last edited by demolidor; 03-24-2012 at 10:43 AM.

  12. #1508
    Regular Member nokh88's Avatar
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    SIMPLE TRUTH 1
    Partners help each other undress before ***.
    However after ***, they always dress on their own.
    Moral of the story:
    In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

  13. #1509
    Regular Member extremenanopowe's Avatar
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    DID YOU KNOW........ WHY ???


    Why are condoms transparent?
    A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if
    their entry is restricted!


    Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
    Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy....

    New AIDS awareness slogan:
    Try different positions with the same woman instead of same
    position with different women.


    Why is $ex like shaving?
    Well, because no matter how well you do it today...
    tomorrow you'll have to do it again...

    Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?

    A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed
    to death.


    Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?

    A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

    Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
    A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!

    Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?

    A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and
    shapeless later


    Advantages of having an affair with a married women.

    They give like hell.
    They do not yell.

    They do not tell.
    They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!

    A wise man told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise. Why?

    Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!.

  14. #1510
    Regular Member nokh88's Avatar
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    SIMPLE TRUTH 2
    When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
    But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
    Moral of the story:
    "Hard work is never appreciated”

  15. #1511
    Regular Member extremenanopowe's Avatar
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    Don’t get too Smart

    Wife was sure that her husband was having *** with the maid, so she laid a trap ....
    One evening she sent the maid to friend home for weekend & didn't tell husband and she slept on maid's bed.
    She switched the lights off.
    He came in silently and wasted no time on words but quickly started ***...
    When he finished!
    Wife said: U didn't expect me in this bed!! Did u ??
    And switched on the light.
    No Madam!!! Said the Shocked Driver!!!!

    MORAL : Sometimes getting too smart can get you F..ked!!

  16. #1512
    Regular Member volcom's Avatar
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    Love this thread

  17. #1513
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    Wife texts her husband ,"windows frozen", husband texts back, "pour warm water over it", more text below













    wife text her husband back "computer completely ****ed now!"


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