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09-14-2004, 02:10 AM #69Originally Posted by cooler
P.S Where's my b'day present. You're overdue by one day!!
09-14-2004, 02:15 AM #70Originally Posted by FEND.
09-14-2004, 02:16 AM #71Originally Posted by cooler
09-14-2004, 02:24 AM #72Originally Posted by FEND.
09-14-2004, 02:27 AM #73Originally Posted by cooler
09-14-2004, 02:30 AM #74Originally Posted by FEND.
beside, i don't like my boss too much
09-14-2004, 04:34 AM #75Originally Posted by cooler
but i guess i'll let your opinion slide this time around..aren't i just magnanimous?
09-14-2004, 06:38 AM #76
A mother passing by her daughter's
bedroom was astonished
>> > to see the bed was nicely made and
everything was picked up.
>> > Then she saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the
>> > center of the bed. It was addressed,
>> > "Mom."
>> > With the worst premonition, she opened the
envelope and read
>> > the letter with trembling hands:
>> > Dear Mom,
>> > It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm
>> > you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend
>> > wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
>> > I've been finding real passion with John and
he is so
>> > nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos,
>> > his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the
>> > passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said
that we will
>> > be very happy. He already owns a trailer in
>> > and has a stack of firewood for the whole
>> > wants to have many more children with me
>> > now one of my dreams too.
>> > John taught me that marijuana doesn't really
>> > and we'll be growing it for us and trading it
with his friends
>> > for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
>> > In the meantime, we'll pray that science will
find a cure for
>> > AIDS so John can get better; he sure
>> > Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I
>> > to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure
>> > back to visit so you can get to know your
>> > Your daughter,
>> > Julie
>> > PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over
at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind
you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love
you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
09-14-2004, 10:38 AM #77
Look up. Good joke
09-14-2004, 09:18 PM #78
man... that is GENIUS... why didn't i think of that when i got crappy grades?!
but then again.... that whole pregnant thing couldn't apply to me....
10-12-2004, 09:44 PM #79
why we all love children!!
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. but it was dead. "how do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "because i pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "you did WHAT!!!???" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "you know, " explained the boy. "i leaned over and went 'PSSST!' and it didn't move."
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "how do expect to get into Heaven?" the boy thought it over and said, "well, i'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says "for Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"
one summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. whe was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" the mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. " i can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "the big sissy."
one day, the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read,".. and CHicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "the sky is falling!" the teacher then asked the class, "and what do you think that farmer said?" one little girl raised her hand and said, " i think he said: 'holy Sh't! a talking chicken!'" the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
10-13-2004, 01:37 AM #80
I got this from a friend.This is too funny! It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening,customer service being what it is.... here goes..
"My Aunt died this past January.
Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00...now it was somewhere around $60.00 I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" ( )
CitiBank:"...excuse me .?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisorgets on the phone)
Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given. After they get the fax. )
CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number given.)
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?" "
10-13-2004, 03:07 AM #81
I think you might appreciate this one.True Story as told by a co-worker
Snowmans Revenge: An idiot in the neighborhood was going around at night with his big 4x4 and was running over the local childrens snowmen.Well my co-worker decided enough was enough.He planned it out and decided to make a special snowman for this idiot.He waited with telephone in hand for him to come and do his worst and sure enough he showed up .Little did he know however that this snowman was infact the firehydrant of the street.Well sure enough he broke it off but got high centered and my co-worker called 911 to report the idiot who had the silly explaination that he thought it was a snowman.bighook
10-13-2004, 03:44 PM #82
nice and slow
a travelling salesman drops by a local farm, and walking towards the door he is greeted by a 3 legged pig, with missing ear, and half a rump. as the farmer approaches the salesman, the salesman comments "I can't help but notice, that must be the sorriest ugliest pig he ever did see."
"hey now, don't go disrepecting this pig. he's the smartest bravest pig in the entire world. one night when the house was on fire the entire family was knocked out by smoke, and he rushed in and dragged each of us out of the house to safety.
"and that's how he lost his leg, and ear and ass?" quizzed the salesman
"no, but another time while i was on the tractor, the machine flipped and pinned me down underneath, and the thrasher was close to taking off my head. this here pig ran out across the field and dragged me out from under that tractor saving my life once again." says the farmer.
"oh, and the pig lost those parts in saving you from the tractor?"
"no - no - no! you ain't hearing me at all!" the farmer exclaimed. "with the smartest bravest pig in the world, you don't go and eat him all at once...."
10-14-2004, 01:44 AM #83
that is the most grotesque joke ever! took me in, it did!
10-14-2004, 05:36 PM #84
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent?
Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If a pit bull humps your leg youâ€™d better fake an orgasm.
Light travels faster than sound. Thatâ€™s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually youâ€™ll be right.
The easiest way to find something thatâ€™s lost is to buy a replacement.
How come when you open a can of evaporated milk itâ€™s still there?
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Guns don't kill people - Husbands who come home early kill people.
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?
argus aviel liked this post
10-15-2004, 01:20 AM #85
HAHAHA,Where is this citibank located?
I used to work as customer service in Citibank (HK) Credit card center. If we receive this kind of call,we won't answer the customer for details.Instead,we just obtain the customer's information and transfer the line to collection department. As I know,collector will ask for the certificate of dealth and negotiate the repayment with the family of the dead.All the actions will be done with the obligation of law.
Sounds funny this joke,I think the CSR must be very green on dealing such case.haha.
Originally Posted by laughable c.
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