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Thread: Jokes

  1. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler
    LOL. So we know whether you're a OFFEND or DEFEND type of guy.
    Why not you give me one of each and then I can tell you which type I am

    P.S Where's my b'day present. You're overdue by one day!!

  2. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by FEND.
    Why not you give me one of each and then I can tell you which type I am

    P.S Where's my b'day present. You're overdue by one day!!
    Since I don't know which version u like so i didnt buy any

  3. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler
    I don't know which version so i didnt buy any
    When in doubt, get both. If not get the whole AT series with all the diff weights and grip sizes. From AT300 to the AT800 OF's and DE's I'm sure one of them will suit me

  4. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by FEND.
    When in doubt, get both. If not get the whole AT series with all the diff weights and grip sizes. From AT300 to the AT800 OF's and DE's I'm sure one of them will suit me
    LOL, hey no birthday deserve that many presents Beside, you're not my sultan

  5. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler
    LOL, hey no birthday deserve that many presents Beside, you're not my sultan
    Offcourse I'm not your Sultan. I am your boss's immediate relative

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    Quote Originally Posted by FEND.
    Offcourse I'm not your Sultan. I am your boss's immediate relative
    that's extortion!
    beside, i don't like my boss too much

  7. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by cooler
    that's extortion!
    beside, i don't like my boss too much
    ahem!!! this is your boss speaking here, cooler.

    but i guess i'll let your opinion slide this time around..aren't i just magnanimous?

  8. #76
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    A mother passing by her daughter's
    bedroom was astonished
    >> > to see the bed was nicely made and
    everything was picked up.
    >> > Then she saw an envelope propped up
    prominently on the
    >> > center of the bed. It was addressed,
    >> >
    >> > "Mom."
    >> >
    >> > With the worst premonition, she opened the
    envelope and read
    >> > the letter with trembling hands:
    >> >
    >> > Dear Mom,
    >> >
    >> > It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm
    writing
    >> > you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend
    because I
    >> > wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
    >> >
    >> > I've been finding real passion with John and
    he is so
    >> > nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos,
    beard, and
    >> > his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the
    >> > passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said
    that we will
    >> > be very happy. He already owns a trailer in
    the woods
    >> > and has a stack of firewood for the whole
    winter. He
    >> > wants to have many more children with me
    and that's
    >> > now one of my dreams too.
    >> >
    >> > John taught me that marijuana doesn't really
    hurt anyone
    >> > and we'll be growing it for us and trading it
    with his friends
    >> > for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
    >> >
    >> > In the meantime, we'll pray that science will
    find a cure for
    >> > AIDS so John can get better; he sure
    deserves it!!
    >> >
    >> > Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I
    know how
    >> > to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure
    we'll be
    >> > back to visit so you can get to know your
    grandchildren.
    >> >
    >> > Your daughter,
    >> > Julie
    >> >
    >> > PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over
    at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind
    you that there are worse things in life than my
    report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love
    you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

  9. #77
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    ^
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    |

    Look up. Good joke

  10. #78
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    man... that is GENIUS... why didn't i think of that when i got crappy grades?!


    but then again.... that whole pregnant thing couldn't apply to me....

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    Default why we all love children!!

    A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. but it was dead. "how do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "because i pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "you did WHAT!!!???" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "you know, " explained the boy. "i leaned over and went 'PSSST!' and it didn't move."

    An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "how do expect to get into Heaven?" the boy thought it over and said, "well, i'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says "for Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

    one summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. whe was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" the mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. " i can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "the big sissy."

    one day, the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read,".. and CHicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "the sky is falling!" the teacher then asked the class, "and what do you think that farmer said?" one little girl raised her hand and said, " i think he said: 'holy Sh't! a talking chicken!'" the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

  12. #80
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    I got this from a friend.This is too funny! It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening,customer service being what it is.... here goes..

    "My Aunt died this past January.

    Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00...now it was somewhere around $60.00 I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:


    Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

    CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."


    Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"

    CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

    Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

    CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!"


    Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" ( )

    CitiBank:"...excuse me .?"


    Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"


    CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisorgets on the phone)


    Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."


    CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."


    Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"


    CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"


    Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )


    CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"


    Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given. After they get the fax. )


    CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"


    Me: "Oh..."


    CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

    Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

    CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."


    Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"


    CitiBank: "That might help."


    Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number given.)


    CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"


    Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?" "

  13. #81
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    I think you might appreciate this one.True Story as told by a co-worker

    Snowmans Revenge: An idiot in the neighborhood was going around at night with his big 4x4 and was running over the local childrens snowmen.Well my co-worker decided enough was enough.He planned it out and decided to make a special snowman for this idiot.He waited with telephone in hand for him to come and do his worst and sure enough he showed up .Little did he know however that this snowman was infact the firehydrant of the street.Well sure enough he broke it off but got high centered and my co-worker called 911 to report the idiot who had the silly explaination that he thought it was a snowman.
    bighook

  14. #82
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    Default nice and slow

    a travelling salesman drops by a local farm, and walking towards the door he is greeted by a 3 legged pig, with missing ear, and half a rump. as the farmer approaches the salesman, the salesman comments "I can't help but notice, that must be the sorriest ugliest pig he ever did see."

    "hey now, don't go disrepecting this pig. he's the smartest bravest pig in the entire world. one night when the house was on fire the entire family was knocked out by smoke, and he rushed in and dragged each of us out of the house to safety.

    "and that's how he lost his leg, and ear and ass?" quizzed the salesman

    "no, but another time while i was on the tractor, the machine flipped and pinned me down underneath, and the thrasher was close to taking off my head. this here pig ran out across the field and dragged me out from under that tractor saving my life once again." says the farmer.

    "oh, and the pig lost those parts in saving you from the tractor?"

    "no - no - no! you ain't hearing me at all!" the farmer exclaimed. "with the smartest bravest pig in the world, you don't go and eat him all at once...."

  15. #83
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    ^
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    that is the most grotesque joke ever! took me in, it did!

  16. #84
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    Default Deep thoughts.......

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

    Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

    What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

    Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

    If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent?

    Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

    Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    If a pit bull humps your leg you’d better fake an orgasm.

    Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

    Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you’ll be right.

    The easiest way to find something that’s lost is to buy a replacement.

    How come when you open a can of evaporated milk it’s still there?

    If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

    Guns don't kill people - Husbands who come home early kill people.

    Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

    If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

    Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?

    Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

  17. #85
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    HAHAHA,Where is this citibank located?

    I used to work as customer service in Citibank (HK) Credit card center. If we receive this kind of call,we won't answer the customer for details.Instead,we just obtain the customer's information and transfer the line to collection department. As I know,collector will ask for the certificate of dealth and negotiate the repayment with the family of the dead.All the actions will be done with the obligation of law.

    Sounds funny this joke,I think the CSR must be very green on dealing such case.haha.


    Quote Originally Posted by laughable c.
    I got this from a friend.This is too funny! It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening,customer service being what it is.... here goes..

    "My Aunt died this past January.

    Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00...now it was somewhere around $60.00 I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:


    Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

    CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."


    Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"

    CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

    Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

    CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!"


    Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" ( )

    CitiBank:"...excuse me .?"


    Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"


    CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisorgets on the phone)


    Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."


    CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."


    Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"


    CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"


    Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )


    CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"


    Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given. After they get the fax. )


    CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"


    Me: "Oh..."


    CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

    Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

    CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."


    Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"


    CitiBank: "That might help."


    Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number given.)


    CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"


    Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?" "

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