How can I tell a girl to relax???

**odjn** · 05-04-2003, 11:45 PM

hey everybody,

I'd like to know how to tell a girl to be "RELAXED". My mixed doubles partner, is always tense and stomps on the ground everytime we lose a rally. I tell her to relax and stop being tense, becuase being tense is not good for your form when u smash or drop, but she thinks i'm insulting her. I tell her I'm not but then she just does everything her own way. She doesn't listen to her coach and all, but is thier anyway i can get her to understand?

So i'm wondering, how can I tell her to relax and be calm? Maybe I can teach her yoga or something???

**Han** · 05-04-2003, 11:59 PM

Well, if she is the one you've decided to team up for long then you just have to accept who she is or else just find a different partner.
To me, don't just look at few points or rallies, look at the bigger picture, did both of you win most of the time despite what happen during games? If so, that's OK that she stomp and ... Remember, you can't change someone character.
Besides competiveness, playing badminton suppose to be fun.
Good luck!

**Tezta.com** · 05-05-2003, 01:05 AM

I think this is one of the main reasons i stay away from mixed doubles..

this girl reminds me of a player i knew back in the training center..she was very uptight about winning and always looked for a good partner, her attitude was shot to hell which caused her partners to leave..

i think you should tell this girl to change her attitude or you will find another partner..after some time hopefully she will realize that she is acting immature.

there is nothing wrong with wanting to win or being tense..everyone is tense at some point in the game but to be like this all the time every game is too much.. Let her know how you feel about her attitude. after all you are her partner.

***Cheung*** · 05-05-2003, 02:52 AM

1) it's not becuase your partner is a girl. Guys have this problem as well

2) character trait. partner likes to win (OK who doesn't but as you know, some attitudes are more detrimental)

3) difficult to change the partners attitude, ie he/she doesn;t realise the effect it has. i) takes time to realise, ii) change partner, saying partnership is not smooth.

**Neil Nicholls** · 05-05-2003, 05:04 AM

Print out the Mental Toughness article from the articles section and show it to her.

There is a good 20 page section in Jake Downey's "Winning Badminton Singles" on attitude.

**LazyBuddy** · 05-05-2003, 08:56 AM

Agree with most of the comments above.

To me, it's more like a mental issue rather than skill. I am 100% respect differet style of playing, as long as it will provide "V" in a more consisten basis (and no hurt urself), it's a acceptable strategy to go with.

However, it's very hard to make a person (who's always refuse to listen) to change. I mean, if she even did not buy from ur coach, what u think u can do. I've seen such cases here and there. There are ppl (even some very skillful ones) are so determined to win, and add such a lot of extra pressure on themselves and push their partners to hell. The result is very simple, enjoy singles, and don't bother to look for another partner, since ppl will just say NO when those "winners" (too much) ask for partners.

This girl sounds like a high school player, which is a teenager. It's possible that she's not mature enough to accept the "cruel" part of sports. If u still have hope on her, might need to have a serious conversation with her, and try to let her know there's nothing personal, but try to help herself and the team. If u already give up, or she just refused to even bother to sit down and talk, well, u know... Talk to ur coach and get a new partner.

**UkPlayer** · 05-05-2003, 10:51 AM

Take up singles

Seriously though, you're going to have to accept it because she will only change it when she decides to. There is a saying 'old habits die hard', even if you do persuade her it wont change overnight. Also if you try to tell her she may resent it and start arguing with you - then it will get worse.

Only way to really do it is to get an independent coach who she will respect. It's well known that often top class doubles partners can only talk to each other via their coach.

This is a normal problem with partnerships.

**RedDog** · 05-05-2003, 11:22 AM

I'm a mix player, and when I miss a stupid shot, I stomp on the ground sometimes too... but it's not because I'm tensed, and I wasn't mad either. I just thought it's kinda funny and thought it would ease up the tension a little by joking around like that. Are you sure your partner is really tense or mad? or maybe she was just having a little fun.

***kwun*** · 05-05-2003, 01:51 PM

i suggest just let her do it her own way. if she is already tensed and annoyed coz you guys lost a rally, that is the worst time to tell her to relax. let she steam off a little bit, stomp the floor, may be she will feel better. if you feel like her performance is going down the drain because she is too tense, try the personal touch, pat/hold her on the shoulder and say "it's ok, don't worry". strange but that calms some girls down. (just make sure your gf isn't watching if your partner isn't her

).

but honestly, it will take time for her to stay calm.

i have played many pairs, not just mixed pair, who are really steamed. there is this pair in a gym that i play in, they argue on every single game, i believe we have never seen a game in which they don't blame each other. but yet they still keep on playing with each other. go figure.

we played a pretty good pair in a tournament the past weekend. the guy is a good singles player and the girl was fast. we didn't expect to win before the match. but to our surprise, after losing a few rallies, they started arguing. i couldn't hear it as i was at the rear court most of the time, but janet said they were swearing at each other and generally getting very annoyed by each other. in the end, their temper got the better of them and they ended up making a lot of mistakes and lost their game.

**odjn** · 05-05-2003, 06:47 PM

Originally posted by RedDog
I'm a mix player, and when I miss a stupid shot, I stomp on the ground sometimes too... but it's not because I'm tensed, and I wasn't mad either. I just thought it's kinda funny and thought it would ease up the tension a little by joking around like that. Are you sure your partner is really tense or mad? or maybe she was just having a little fun.

FUN???? Wow never thought of that. I guess this is a good thing then, if she really is having fun. My partner always seems to be smiling at me and constantly apoligizing at me for even the smallest minor mistakes. And she's been grinning at me with an evil eye. (makes me feel uncomfortable)

But lately, she's been acting really quiet, and seems depressed...

I guess when i see her i'll ask her whats wrong, since this kinda thing has me worried about her.

***Cheung*** · 05-06-2003, 12:31 AM

Originally posted by odjn
But lately, she's been acting really quiet, and seems depressed...

I guess when i see her i'll ask her whats wrong, since this kinda thing has me worried about her.

Probably read this thread and guessed it was referring to her.

**unregistered** · 05-06-2003, 03:31 AM

Ask her to keep quiet and know her role.

**LazyBuddy** · 05-06-2003, 03:41 PM

Originally posted by odjn
My partner always seems to be smiling at me and constantly apoligizing at me for even the smallest minor mistakes. And she's been grinning at me with an evil eye. (makes me feel uncomfortable)

But lately, she's been acting really quiet, and seems depressed...

If this just happens for the last few days, could be some other stuff (non badminton related) bothering her. U know, when ppl get some tough days, it's very hard for them to stay in focus and being cheered up. However, if this situation being long enough, then, guess it's more like pesonality (good - having fun or bad - easily losing cool) issue.

Maybe a private (off court, and try to pick a day she feels good) conversation could resolve this issue. Maybe start it with some "caring" words, like "how do u feel", something like that. To me, right straight on the topic could be harsh for girls sometimes.

Hmmmm... Try not staying for too long on this topic, and keep an eye on ur gf...

**Mr.Hoot** · 05-06-2003, 09:56 PM

Originally posted by unregistered
Ask her to keep quiet and know her role.

Man I don't think that would work out to well

She would probably just get even worse after that one.

**icandoall** · 05-06-2003, 11:14 PM

Use a whip

Juss joking...
Maybe you might wanna look for the person you match good with..
I started with about 4 players but now i play with
one and me and her are pretty good together..
So you might wanna look for that...

**Anatolii** · 12-04-2004, 03:19 AM

Originally Posted by UkPlayer

Seriously though, you're going to have to accept it because she will only change it when she decides to. There is a saying 'old habits die hard', even if you do persuade her it wont change overnight. Also if you try to tell her she may resent it and start arguing with you - then it will get worse.

This is a normal problem with partnerships.

i partner with a friend (who is highly competitive). he's got the same disposition which oftens leads him to expose his emotions. which often leads to embarrasing moments (for the rest of us). but it's not like he doesn't try to control himself.. and reprimanding or even advising/ consoling him only makes him 'heat up' more. to explain his problem; it's because of his over-competitiveness. he easily gets frustrated, even when the fault did not lie on him, ie even though I was the mistake-doer.

to overcome this undesirable trait, a sufferer needs to come to terms with him/herself. as in the case of my friend, he needs to learn to take it easy (easier said than done, obviously); to not put excessive pressure on himself to perform. i worry for him because if he were to put up this kinda attitude when playing against other better players who do not understand his disposition, they are bound to think him a sore loser. and who'd like that rite?

**redkingjoe** · 12-04-2004, 04:03 AM

Originally Posted by odjn

FUN???? Wow never thought of that. I guess this is a good thing then, if she really is having fun. My partner always seems to be smiling at me and constantly apoligizing at me for even the smallest minor mistakes. And she's been grinning at me with an evil eye. (makes me feel uncomfortable)

But lately, she's been acting really quiet, and seems depressed...

I guess when i see her i'll ask her whats wrong, since this kinda thing has me worried about her.

Pardon me odjn,

Is she your girlfriend?

red