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  1. #1
    Regular Member ucantseeme's Avatar
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    Default How to parent kids and teens in training sessions

    Hey guys,

    maybe some of the parents can help me and give me a good advice. I don't have own kids.

    I'm not a coach, but our senior coach decided that I have the technique and skills to educate kids and teens. I should support him. I don't have problems in regards to Badminton teaching. Everything is fine. I try my best to be friendly, fair and competent. I think I don't have problems in this area.

    I have problems with the breeding of some kids. A lot kids are very friendly and love to train with me or play a match with/against me. So I'm not worried about this kids.

    I know a boy. His mother is a coach and a pretty decent player. She don't want to train her own child, because she thinks he shouldn't bounded too much to her in training. The boy is not a problem. He is often cheeky, but nothing to be worried. He is a good guy and will learn quickly. IMO her attitude is good for the child.

    I know a 2nd boy. His dad is an average player and tries to coach. Sometimes wrong things but he tries his best. He trains his own childs, but seldom other kids. He wants that his kids have more success than others and become a better player than him. He don't keep it as a secret.
    He get paid by the club which is IMO not right, but it is not my money. If a different coach or guy like me try to train his kids, both get grumpy, don't be serious and play IMO a mind game to frustate other people to train again with their father. He is divorced and enjoy the time with his kids. He has my blessing.

    The problem:

    Both kids act annoying and antisocial to the other kids and even seniors if her dad is not involved. I tried to talk to him, but he loves to play his Joker card. "You don't have kids". I respect him, but his breeding is not good for the other kids. 3 kids don't come anymore, because "Daddy" only works with his own kids and their needs which frustrates other kids, because the focus in on this both kids. IMO it's great as a Dad but not good as a coach.

    Any thoughts, advices or opinions? I don't want to blame him or his kids, I just don't want that other kids leave the club because of this bad behavior. I understand that parents often feel attacked by other when it comes to educational methods. Sometimes the interests of many people is more important than interests of a few.

    Thanks.

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    This is an issue for your lead coach to address.

    If the boy's father is paid by the club as a coach, but refuses to work appropriately with others, then the club should stop paying him. He's not fulfilling his role.

    There's a kid I coach who is similar (his dad is a good player), but he's learning to be respectful. Maybe they just act out because they feel pressured.

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    Seems like something that should be brought up to the club's manager.

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    Regular Member s_mair's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie-SWUK View Post
    This is an issue for your lead coach to address.

    If the boy's father is paid by the club as a coach, but refuses to work appropriately with others, then the club should stop paying him. He's not fulfilling his role.
    Nothing more to add. If there already are kids that have left the club due to this issue, I am more than sure that your club manager or lead coach will react. No club can afford to lose junior members this way.

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    Regular Member ucantseeme's Avatar
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    Thanks for your advices. The problem is that I like the club and there are some people which I like and I don't want to make somebody angry. We are all familiar and if I snitch, I can search for a new club.

    The lead coach is related to him, because their children are best friends and they support each other with babysitting etc. I think that the lead coach noticed this, but don't want to start a fight because of this relation.

    A 2nd coach with license is also not happy about this situation and tried to find a solution. The lead coach and daddy conspired against the 2nd coach didn't talked with her for a period.

    I know this sounds like a daily soap, but if somebody don't stop this, the club won't have kids for a junior team in 3 years. Because the teens which actually do well, will be grown up.

    I don't want to snitch and want to solve this sensitive problem or work more effective that all kids get the attention which they need to get enough boost to become good player, too and are happy. I don't want to harm one family, but this speaks IMO against the code of a coach.
    Last edited by ucantseeme; 08-20-2015 at 08:12 AM.

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    Regular Member s_mair's Avatar
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    100% daily soap!

    I see only two possibilities:
    1) Be the snitch and risk to cause some unpleasant situations and trouble in the club (not recommended)

    2) Conspire with the 2nd coach (well... just speak to her openly about your concerns), and then the two of you can try to take some extra care for the other kids to minimize the frustration caused by "the dad". But keep on treating his kids normally - they are not the right ones to blame. He will most likely then focus even more on his kids which would show the problem even more obviously.

    And if the situation is as obvious as you have described it already, it has for sure also been noticed by a lot of others in the club. And normally, things like that are being sorted out somehow over time. With the existing bond to your lead coach, I don't see an easy way to get rid of him quickly and save your club some wasted money...

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    I don't think I'd be helping out in this situation.

    The lead coach asked you to help out, right? But it's his relative (the other coach) that's spending more time on his own kid than the others. If he's getting paid to do that, and you're voluntarily doing part of his job (I'm assuming it's voluntary given that you aren't qualified), then you're being taken advantage of by your club.

    If they aren't paying you, then they sound highly unprofessional, and it sounds like they're using you. I would be quite upset at the situation for more reasons than you've listed.

    I don't think it's worth conspiring against them. Raise the issue with the lead coach that invited you, and say that you're dissatisfied with the current situation. If they then get aggressive or nasty towards you, just stop doing it, it wouldn't be worth the effort to contest.

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    Regular Member visor's Avatar
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    Simple really... no confrontation needed.

    The dad coach wants to coach only his kids? Let him. He's getting paid to only coach his kids? Let the club decide whether that's fair or not.

    You and the other coach will have to take up the responsibility to coach all the other kids.

    If anyone asks why this is happening this way, tell them to talk to the head coach.

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    You know the kids that are leaving? Offer to train them for same fees at different time.

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    If that other coach (and the head coach) has a good name (e.g. well known player), and people are paying for their names, hoping the training would reflect that, they may be disappointed, and may take their kids else where.

    I've an impression you're in Singapore, where badminton is very popular. If these kids don't go to your club, they could probably train in another club near by. I don't think you need to worry about it. Ultimately, that head coach (and presumably this other parent coach) would have to pay for it. Perhaps the club too.

    If you care enough about the club, or the head coach, you could talk to the owner/head-coach about the situation. If not, let it be. After all, you're not even paid to coach.

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    Regular Member visor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amleto View Post
    You know the kids that are leaving? Offer to train them for same fees at different time.
    May not be a good idea? As it may be viewed as being underhanded in "stealing" students away, even though it may be for the better and intentions are honourable.
    Last edited by visor; 08-20-2015 at 01:17 PM.

  12. #12
    Regular Member ucantseeme's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amleto View Post
    You know the kids that are leaving? Offer to train them for same fees at different time.
    Yes, I'm in contact with their parents. The parents made me this offer, because their kids want to train with me. I said only during the training schedule of the club.
    @raymond I'm located in Europe. We have 2 clubs. The other one is located in an outlying district with a high crime rate. The kids don't change the club, they are forced to quit, because there is no other chance for them.

    Thanks to all for your input and advices. @visor you made good points.

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    From what I see of your posts, you are a person with integrity. Maintain this level of integrity and work with the system as best as you can. Do not get tempted into the politics or the dirty backend, it rarely ends well.

    Be above reproach as a player and as a coach. Provide a quality and superior service and mold those you teach to become not just better players, but also better citizens. By being true and consistent, you can even win over those that appear to be against you. I say appear because sometimes their intent may not be malicious, just misguided.

    All things eventually come into the light, often by themselves, for all to see. If you try too hard to pull it out, you might get crap on your hands too...

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    Sometimes you need to be like the willow tree, but sometimes the oak. Where you draw the line...

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    Quote Originally Posted by visor View Post
    May not be a good idea? As it may be viewed as being underhanded in "stealing" students away, even though it may be for the better and intentions are honourable.
    If it was me I would welcome frank discussions where some 'home truths' would be said. A spade gets called a spade. But I know things are much more two-faced the further east you go.

    Tbh, my opinion is that if the op is not being proactive in fixing the issue, then he is complicit. He should say/do something. He knows this, but doesn't want to 'snitch'. It's not snitching, it's pointing out that someone is not operating in the best interest of club, is violating the power of their position, is eschewing paid-for members, is espousing pseudo-nepotism.

    $h!t or get off the can!
    Last edited by amleto; 08-20-2015 at 08:12 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ucantseeme View Post
    Thanks for your advices. The problem is that I like the club and there are some people which I like and I don't want to make somebody angry. We are all familiar and if I snitch, I can search for a new club.

    The lead coach is related to him, because their children are best friends and they support each other with babysitting etc. I think that the lead coach noticed this, but don't want to start a fight because of this relation.

    A 2nd coach with license is also not happy about this situation and tried to find a solution. The lead coach and daddy conspired against the 2nd coach didn't talked with her for a period.

    I know this sounds like a daily soap, but if somebody don't stop this, the club won't have kids for a junior team in 3 years. Because the teens which actually do well, will be grown up.

    I don't want to snitch and want to solve this sensitive problem or work more effective that all kids get the attention which they need to get enough boost to become good player, too and are happy. I don't want to harm one family, but this speaks IMO against the code of a coach.
    Is there someone above the lead coach? Like the club manager or something? You could drop an anonymous letter or phone call explaining the situation.

    I manage several small inns and I know first hand how damaging this camaraderie between employees can be. For example, there were a case of stealing by one senior employee where the other less senior employees just...kept quiet...even though the stealing directly lessen all of their bonuses. The things that I need to know didn't get through to me until it was too late.
    Last edited by SSSSNT; 08-20-2015 at 11:25 PM.

  17. #17
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    Well, why not just concentrate on coaching the kids regardless of whose kid, I think there would be less conflict of interest. Managing a club is difficult and so is coaching uncooperative kids.

    I believe you can be happier working with kids who want to improve. Badminton for kids is about fun and interest. Build on that so that you can continue to bring them to the next level.

    Maybe one day, more kids would like to train under you rather than the other more credential coaches.

    I suggest you leave the managing part of the club to the lead coach and concentrate on the kids under your wings. I believe you are going through all these because of your love for badminton and want to share it with others. Focus on the postive things and don't let those small trival matters bother you.

    Best of luck.

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