My wife and I have been playing for more than 4 years. We are above average club players, both playing in Level C + (ranking of A thru E, A being the highest level). We are both very competitive, enjoy long rallies, equipped with both power and finesse games, have entered several tournaments and train at least once a week. We are also familiar with each other’s games. We have had our normal badminton quarrels in the past, like blaming each other when we lose, disagreeing on the strategy to employ, etc. but we have learned to accept each others faults and have not quarreled for the past year or so. Until last night . At our club, we played a mixed doubles match. I partnered with a Level B lady, while my wife partnered with the Level B husband of my partner. I played a normal mixed game, looking for the lady (my wife) with most of my shots and avoiding the male player. It was a fun and competitive match with both sides wanting to win, and we all had a good laugh. We won 2-0, but after the match, my wife was in a bad mood and started a fight saying that: I shouldn’t have directed my smashes and drops to her all the time, which caused them to lose the match; I humiliated her by directing most of my shots at her, causing the rallies to end; She will never play with me again, either as a partner or an opponent; If I wanted to test my skills, I should have pitted my skills against the male player, not against her. I can do that in tournament play, not when playing at the club night. Needless to say, the fight became ugly as I could not understand any of the points she raised . In not so many words, I told her that if she cannot take the heat, get out of the kitchen, and reminded her of what she already knows: that the mixed game is really played that way . Help please! Is it just me or are there others with the same predicament? Objective advise please before my marriage gets severely affected :crying: I have no intention of hurting or humiliating my wife in any way. Please help me understand her point of view.
It is true that mixed doubles is often played that way. It doesn't have to be, though. Your wife is right about the benefit of trying to beat the B-level player with your shots. I often smash at the strong player even when his partner isn't my wife. The reason there is simply that I'm interested in knowing if I can get my smash past a more experienced player. In my hometown, the badminton can get competitive but it is always friendly and smashing exclusively at a less experienced female player is generally frowned upon. These are some examples consistent with what your wife is saying about playing to the weak player being a strategy to be reserved for tournaments. When it isn't your wife, the player being made to look foolish might have the same complaints but not feel they will be given any weight. When it is your wife, she knows her complaints will carry some weight so you hear about it. Recreation is recreation and in this case, not winning could be more helpful both to your marriage and, as your wife pointed out, to your badminton game.
She's being a bad loser but typically not admitting it. One solution is to pass it over this time. But, don't ever play against her again and say why if there is a challenge. Also note the date and time down and the situation cos probably there will be denial on her part in the future. If you were playing level doubles and got into arguments with your partner, the partnership is finished. Remember, it is only a game.
Concur. And if you do or have to, don't hit to her. Also, remember, this is Badminton. What's more important, Badminton or your marriage? Some things to think about.
Swinging Dangerously I think both of u took things too serioiusly in a friendly match. You played too competitvely and she took your play strategy too personally. However, u still didnt appreciate nor understood her hurt feeling. Also, to show off your skills, u should had been directing your shots to the 'B' guy and not to your wife. Yes, that's how competitve XD are played BUT IN THIS INSTANCE, your opposing side ISN'T A COMPETITVE PAIR, YOU AND YOUR WIFE IS the true fulltime competitive XD pair. To smooth thing out, i think u should explain your intention and she should understood that u werent to hurt her but just intended to win the match. Remember, even in real competition, mental control is even more important than game strategy. Without the former, the latter won't work.
It is not uncommon for couples to experience like this. I have similar problems with my wife. She is Class E beginners level but she has been playing for more than 2 years already. I am Class C average. What we do is we play with couples who are not my level so we won 90% most of the time. Accordingly, we eliminated any misunderstanding betwen us 90% most of the time. I do play with other groups and my wife plays with other groups also. This is also good as it would cause lesser differences inasmuch as marriage is a complex relationship. It is extremely difficult if you play together in the same group all the time. Hope this helps.
Tell her that you never meant to do any of those things, and apologize for your actions. Then some loving gesture such as flowers or dinner should do the trick. Women are understanding, but you just have to be open and direct with her. Tell her what your intentions really were instead of what she believes it was.
Remember? Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Sometimes trying to understand doesn't always work and adds more fuel to the fire. I think the best way is to just try to diffuse the problem with suggestions GunBlade made and move on and make sure this situation never happens again. Good luck.
Big big mistake I think you blew it there, mate. Think how embarassed and hurt she's feeling because you decided to unload on her. And not just because she's your wife. In recreational, non competitive XD, my policy (and many of the others in this thread) is to challenge myself against the stronger player. If it so happens that the woman across the net is good, then I will direct more shots at her. It's because she can handle it. But you knew your wife was the weak link and you took advantage of that. Don't you think that kinda taints your victory. Even more important, was it worth it? I bet you think the answer is NO now. It might a little longer than you think for this to simmer over and sh will forever let you know about this. I guess you'll just have to bite the bullet here (or buy her some bling ). The next time you play mixed doubles, size up the opposition before deciding on how to play. Remmber, XD is for ALL 4 players to enjoy.
I do intend to apologize. I just wanted to win the match and was being too competitive. However, I know that my wife relishes competition and is not one to back down to a challenge. I've played against her many times in the past... Never has she complained about my style of play nor even given me an indication that there was something wrong. .. that was why I was surprised when she complained last night... My wife plays quite well and her complaints seemed totally out of character.... Also, after the match, her partner made a comment, in jest, that they lost because I directed all my shots at his partner.... maybe that innocous remark was taken by my wife as a criticism against her by her partner..... I will take your advise and apologize unconditionally.... I hope that in due time we will both be able to laugh about our arguing, but right now, i need time to get over it myself...
Dedicated Apologise to her , buy her some beautiful flowers. Remember, you always have the last said " Yes Dear" dont ask why if you value your marriage. A very common problem amounts marriage couples.NEVER, NEVER make her look bad in any situation..........if you wanted peace. Words Women Use Fine This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. Five Minutes If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. Nothing This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine". Go Ahead This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT! ! Loud Sigh Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". That's Okay This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Thanks This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.
Bingo, i think i've found the source of Mars Wood. It's a term use by women to describe an insensitive guy That sotx racket with mars wood is definitely a guy racket
ok.. another black & white problem, and where's the grey area? unfortunately striking a balance in the grey area in an art, as well as a science... balance it well, you're the winner, or else, a loser. u know what i do? i play competitively when my girlfriend is my mx partner, and maybe let it lose when she's my opponent. life's not perfect, but 2 people happy is always better than 1. right my friend? enjoy the journey...
I think it's a 50-50 situation, as both sides did something right, and something wrong at the same time: You: You used the right strategy, but used it in the wrong type of game. It's not a competitive tourny, therefore, even if you contest the male opponent (and might end up losing), you still can learn a lot of the game. 2 quick blow out is not fun on either side. Your wife: She understood the game is more "for fun only", but became a bad loser at the end. If she really understands the "fun" part, she should just have a good laugh, ask for advice on how to improve, but not just focus on W/L, or how many points etc. I think let her calm down for a day or two, then have a polite conversation with her. Admit your own fault at the beginning, and kindly give her some advice on her part. A small nice gift can be a bonus, a big hug might be even better. At the end, she's ur wife, and your guys love each other for sure. Plus, girls tend to "win" most of the argument at the beginning anyway...
How come all the guys are doing all the talking here In a lady's point of view, being attacked "voraciously" during a baddie game by a husband or BF is obviously frustrating.... ...she might feel more at ease if you told her beforehand that ladies are always gonna be target of attack during any XD game and see if she still want to be in. Trying to avoid each other in the court is not going to bring you both anywhere except more misunderstanding . You should learn to appreciate the strength and to accept weakness of your other half .
