Hi all, I heard this quote, and felt it describes well how a woman works... ''It is amazing how you can see a girl, and after they rip your heart out and STILL want to be friends'' Oh so true. Anyone had an experience they wish to share? If too upsetting then forget about it. Matt
i dunno.... my ex-girlfriend and i are still good friends.... sure, i was kinda hurt when we broke up, but it's not like she ripped my heart out...
haha..... well guys, we all have our times...... well, don't u think that falling in love with your close friend is a bad idea??
Byron, Sometimes it is, others its not .. Its risky business when you look at it in the view of losing a good friend if things don't work out. However, its the best thing to happen if you're looking for someone who can accept you for being the person that you are as you are ... Usually if a relationship starts out as strangers, a lot of things and facts about each other gets all covered up by the little niceties that the couple would do for each other ... All the dirt under th carpet usually gets seen much, much later .. which is often unhealthy ... Probe a little further and see how it develops ... or rather how your good friend reacts ... If it offers encouragement then try to get a little more obvious .... If its defintely positive ... well my blessings ... If its negative.... at least you still get to reamin as friends .. and maintain the status quo...
I suppose its a matter of how mature you are at handling all these matters? Been through a few myself and I guess a split or a rejection is just part of the whole process ??? If you can look at it objectively, "Isn't it better that we split now since one of us know it won't work out, rather than bluff ourselves and break later when we have married or have kids ?" objectively, "Isn't it better that we split now since one of us know it won't work out, rather than bluff ourselves and break later when we have married or have kids ?" I'm still on very good terms with my ex or some of the girls whom I have courted .... no shame about that. I've even to the wedding of one of them as it turned out we made better friends rather than as a couple .....
Ahem.. Matt, I think you're generalising with your comment..and I personally believe that to be friends or not after the end of a relationship is not gender based. What I mean is that it is more dependant on various factors, including how the relationship ended (mutual or otherwise), maturity and whether the couple have each move on with their own lives towards different direction. Therefore, just as there will be girls who still want to be friends with their ex-es, it applies equally that there will be guys out there who still want to be friends with girls they've broken up with. Accordingly, your comment is sexist! *finger wag* My personal experience in this matter is that there will be some ex-es that you are able to stay friends with and some that you just don't even want to ever see again, based on the above factors I gave above. What I do know is that we should try to see the end of a relationship in a more positive light..i.e if that person is wrong for you, the ending of it means when you do meet the right person for you, Hey, you're single!!! A
Hi, Sorry if i am being sexist i didn't mean it to come across like that. OK, what about if this girl cheated behind your back, or broke a promise, or kep a big secret from you, how would you react? Women can answer this one too if they want. Matt
Matt, If you're talking about ONE specific girl, then that's fine..just say 'this girl did this or did that'..but please don't go around badmouthing all the females just because one girl did a bad thing to you..err..I mean to this guy.. Just remember, there will always be good apples and bad apples..whether be it girls, or boys Also, always remember that there's 2 sides to a coin. This girl you're talking about.. if you say that she'd cheated behind your back, did you bother to find out why? Could it be because you play too much badminton and neglected her? Don't always be too fast to judge Matt..and too fast to blame others..I mean fair enough if after finding out that there's no other reason why she'd cheated on you except that she just really like this other guy...then okey, she's a horrible person..but until then.. have you actually found out why she did what she did? Same goes for the other things you said..i.e breaking a promise...there may be a good reason to her doing that..(or not). As for keeping a secret from you, there again may be a good reason to it? Put yourself in her shoes (oh, u look cute in heels Matt..) and see whether you would have done what she did GIVEN THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES she was facing...and then decide whether she's horrible or she had a good reason for doing what she did? Hope that helps! Matt..if after doing lots of investigation and you found that she was indeed a bad person, then don't get mad, get even! Just kidding..don't do anything rash now, would u? A
Hey Adelina, That would be your professional advice, would it? Being a lawyer and all Matt, I got no advice for you since I have made a decision a long time ago to stay away from these type of discussions. BTW, A, I noticed that you stopped referring yourself as the Cheeky Kiwi
Cheekily Cheek! Well, just as we women constantly change our clothes and our mind on..well, everything..we do the same with our nicknames too! But be rest assured that I will always be cheeky as a kiwi! As for the sisterly advice to Matt, it's just exactly that..see, I never had a younger sibling when growing up, so I suffer from the deprivation to give advice not the kind that you give by being a lawyer, but naggy type ones! Muhahaha! This has been backhand sliced drop to you by, Eh de lee nar, da nutty featherless bird from down under!
I would suggest seeking short-term solace in alcohol and casual sex. At least until the badminton season starts again.
In Asian culture, once there is a break, many times, it is a complete break. Absolutely no contact at all. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be any good reason for not being amicable. I always thought that rather strange. If two people could be so intimate before, that means they must have had something in common and those feelings can't just be cut off....unless they were not that strong in the first place.
Hi, adelina76 - i'm not bad mouthing girls! If i would i would make it alot clearer i was just saying and findning out peoples experiences!!! Nothing has happened to me, i just heard it and thought it was true, geez. Cheung- No such thing as casual sex in your area then? They actually FORBID you to go see them?? Matt
Au contraire.. Actually Cheung, it is because once two people became so intimate that sometimes it can be too painful for them to be around each other again because it reminds them of either when things were really good between them or when things were really bad (this is especially so where two ppl still feel something for each other but separated either for the wrong reasons or due to circumstances beyond their control) Also, it takes time to heal the pain of breaking up, especially in the case where one party has wronged the other. Forgiveness is a virtuous path that is seldom taken. Of course, then by the time the heart wound has healed, the couple have moved on with their lives and have no reason to see each other anymore, i.e they've almost become strangers in terms of level of intimacy between them. So no point in remaining friends..(unless you have children between you..then the couple should make an effort to remain amicable for the children's sake). So in short, I dunno if it's just the Asian culture that's like that Cheung..I think it is evident in all culture and whether a couple remain amicable or not would be indicated by their maturity and richness in character as opposed to the teachings of culture. A
Re: Au contraire.. Yup, that's what happened for me with long term partners number 1 and 2. I think you either have to be very emotionally mature or lack feelings to remain friends. For the best part of the aftermath of a break up I am doing my best to survive rather than concentrating on where I go with my former partner.
