How not to play badminton!

AS · 02-23-2001, 10:39 AM

This report is based on years of research upon an enthusiastic player who had the potential to become a good league player, but due to the following factors he could not even qualify, so if you follow these guidelines you will succeed:

1. You do not need the latest £200 racket

2. You do not need to arrive an hour and a half before a friendly game and go weight training to show everyone how tough you are and then collapse after one rally in the knock up.

3. You do not need to complain that the floor is slippery because of the fact that your poor balance has been caused by you being overweight

4. Dont bring your girlfriend with the intention of trying to impress her with every other miss-hit that you play

5. Dont use valuable warm up time complaining about the five course meal that you were force fed before arriving and the poor lighting and the worn out grip on your brand new racket and the wrong spectacles etc etc

6. Do not try to tire out your partner in the knock up (with the result of killing yourself)

7. Do not smash the shuttle in your partners face when he asks you to play an overhead clear shot during the warm up

8. Dont play every shot with your backhand even when the shuttle is on the forehand side

9. When attempting to serve do not try to look at the floor, the shuttle, the net and the opponent at the same time as this may result in the shuttle not going over the net (ever)

10. On the return of service do not stand so close to the front service line that you only see the flick serve after its beaten you and is behind you on the floor (and dont call it out, even though its in)

11. Do not attempt to play a cross court drop shot when the shuttle is three inches from the floor (behind you)

12. Do not convince yourself that you have the physique of Jean Claude Van Damme, the speed of Linford Christie and the stamina of Steve Redgrave

13. Do not let your pride dictate that you cant call the shuttle in because you already called it out before it landed (about 6 inches in)

14. Do not keep score if you have less than G.C.S.E. grade 5 in Maths and a memory like a sieve

15. Do not have fits of rage when losing (Racket rage)

16. Do not assume the object of the game is to risk your partners life when attempting to play that unnecessary shot which has already bounced twice

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL DO NOT PLAY A SINGLES GAME WHEN PLAYING DOUBLES.

**cooler** · 02-23-2001, 12:59 PM

Uh oh, you're not politically friendly. :-)

Sing · 02-23-2001, 06:38 PM

200 pounds sterling for a badminton racquet.

maybe that's why the game is declining in Europe.

***Cheung*** · 02-23-2001, 10:02 PM

cooler you're too political.

SE Ass-sian · 02-23-2001, 11:08 PM

Speaking of politics and money, where they are interchangebly

mixed in some parts of the world I suddenly thought of a great

marketing ploy :

I propose to come out with a fully gold plated racquet to sell

mainly to following people:

1) Badminton players living in some modern kingdoms.Those

politically connected or of royal descent can own such

racquets, that is to remind you to grovel before them on court

and be sure to lose to them to be politically correct.It is sure to

work in some places where politicians are heavily involved in

the sport.

2) If it does't work we can always repackage it and sell them off

to those flashy and spendthrift people living in western

hemisphere, where the glitter from the gold is sure to catch the

hall lights and blind their adversaries or maybe overwhelm their

opponents with the sheer pomposity displayed.

Just kidding, more a case of self-criticism !

**cooler** · 02-24-2001, 03:51 AM

Maybe not knowing it, badmintoncentral must have rub off something on me.

**May** · 02-26-2001, 08:01 AM

hahahahahaha

**fearless_f_0223** · 03-02-2006, 04:14 AM

too late for my reaction here.... and it seems not important at all.... this caught my attention actually... good shot SE ASS-sian....

Originally Posted by SE Ass-sian

Speaking of politics and money, where they are interchangebly

mixed in some parts of the world I suddenly thought of a great

marketing ploy :

I propose to come out with a fully gold plated racquet to sell

mainly to following people:

1) Badminton players living in some modern kingdoms.Those

politically connected or of royal descent can own such

racquets, that is to remind you to grovel before them on court

and be sure to lose to them to be politically correct.It is sure to

work in some places where politicians are heavily involved in

the sport.

2) If it does't work we can always repackage it and sell them off

to those flashy and spendthrift people living in western

hemisphere, where the glitter from the gold is sure to catch the

hall lights and blind their adversaries or maybe overwhelm their

opponents with the sheer pomposity displayed.

Just kidding, more a case of self-criticism !

**crosscourt** · 03-02-2006, 05:10 AM

I know I am 5 years late but I'd like to add:

If you haven't played since leaving college all those years ago don't go playing every day for 3 hours saying "Well I used to play every day when I was in college. I don't understand why I have this pain in my shoulder/neck/elbow/wrist. I must need a new racket (gold-plated?!)/grip/shoes"

**chessymonkey** · 03-02-2006, 07:42 AM

10. On the return of service do not stand so close to the front service line that you only see the flick serve after its beaten you and is behind you on the floor (and dont call it out, even though its in)

I admit, this one is hard "NOT TO"

14. Do not keep score if you have less than G.C.S.E. grade 5 in Maths and a memory like a sieve

This one is even HARDER not to as everone else on the court can only count from 1-10, and they literally lost track as the number goes beyond.
So Screw the 21 point system, we can't even get to 15

**wedgewenis** · 03-02-2006, 09:16 AM

RULE NUMBER 18

18. Do Not spend your entire time at badminton looking for things to get annoyed about and make a list in your head for later ...........

**coops241180** · 03-02-2006, 10:46 AM

lol - this list is hilarious - just read it at work and had to come up with some excuse for my boss because i was laughing uncontrollably - totally hilarious - great to see it at the top of the board..

Coops

**Eurasian =--(O)** · 03-02-2006, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by Sing

maybe that's why the game is declining in Europe.

is this true? is badminton declining in Europe?

**ants** · 03-02-2006, 11:29 AM

How not to play badminton? Hmmm why not.. not talk about how not to play badminton?

**crosscourt** · 03-02-2006, 11:33 AM

I didn't think the game was declining in Europe. I thought it was growing if anything.

**CarrotLegs** · 03-02-2006, 06:15 PM

I dun really like #9... if u gonna serve u cant look at net, shuttle, floor, opponent then are u supposed to look at the ceiling?! I usually look at where i could serve. (doubles)

**coops241180** · 03-03-2006, 05:24 AM

Originally Posted by CarrotLegs

I dun really like #9... if u gonna serve u cant look at net, shuttle, floor, opponent then are u supposed to look at the ceiling?! I usually look at where i could serve. (doubles)

my dear carrot - i hope this is sarcasm - the theme is how not to play badminton - and this is clearly how not to

give us more..!!!

coops