Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by Gessle, Aug 8, 2004.

  1. OneToughBirdie

    OneToughBirdie Regular Member

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    Obama is a boleh guy.....BO Boleh! USA boleh! Canada boleh! Malaysia boleh!China boleh! Everybody boleh!...now, I really mix them up....Dato' Mahathir chant of Malaysia Boleh spirit finally made it to USA the beautiful...:p:D
    With the world in an economic mess, we really need someone to 'boleh'...:D:p
     
  2. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    Why did the chicken cross the road?? (continuation)..

    ..(some of you have probably read this; if not, enjoy!)..:p;)
    This is a continuation from post#441

    SARAH PALIN : Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

    JOHN McCAIN : My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

    HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little Chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

    **** CHENEY : Where’s my gun?

    COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

    BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken.
    What is your definition of chicken?

    AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white ? We need some black chickens!

    NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

    Some BC members;):

    Pemuda : The chicken is going to cross the road? The chicken will never cross the road. Period. Any side bet?

    badadum : To see if the chicken has more than 50% chance of crossing the road, err make that 50%, no, make that more than 50%

    X Ball : The chicken will cross the road, no question about it.

    george@chongwei : Is that really a chicken??

    limsy : OH..hehe..i know tat..the chicken is crossing the road...u noe too??..:D...:p...:rolleyes:...sorry for off topic...

    Hau-ge : Sidenews: I heard the chicken hates the food.

    jerby : What is the probability of the chicken crossing the road??

    Oldhand : Because the chicken is banned from that side of the road. Banned, banned, banned!

    jamesd20 : Why did Oldhand ban the chicken from that side of the road?

    cooler : LOL...i know...LOL...the chicken...LOL...will cross...LOL...the road...LOL..i know it will...LOL

    taneepak : Look, the chicken has a history of being afraid of crossing the road. If the chicken has a history of being afraid of crossing the road, then give me the chicken and i will make it cross the road.

    silentheart : The chicken is so dead!!

    madbad : The chicken crossed the road to see some Korean cuties.

    kwun : ...[​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]...

    COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

    and last but not least....yes, you all guessed it..

    BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! (YES THE CHICKEN CAN, TOO!)
     
    #1122 ctjcad, Jan 21, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2009
  3. Oldhand

    Oldhand Moderator

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    ctjcad, that was really a very good one :D:D:D:D

    And now, where's the ban button? :mad:
     
  4. george@chongwei

    george@chongwei Regular Member

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    hehe nice one chris;)
     
  5. madbad

    madbad Regular Member

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    Very good effort, Chris. Nice. Last but not least (sorry Mr. President):

    ctjcad: some of you have probably seen this chicken; if not, help it across! Hmmm... I wonder if Pemuda has a comment on this... ;)
     
  6. Oldhand

    Oldhand Moderator

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    Ha!
    Couldn't resist a riposte, eh? :D
     
  7. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    cooler is LOL because the chicken (gai jei) is walking toward him:);)L:p
     
  8. venkatesh

    venkatesh Regular Member

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    All those mention of chicken makes me hungry.
    Help it cross the road so we can fry it already!!!
     
  9. madbad

    madbad Regular Member

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    Cooler......behave..... :D:D
     
  10. madbad

    madbad Regular Member

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    Unfortunately, pales in comparison with ctjcad's originals.
     
  11. Qidong

    Qidong Regular Member

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  12. Oldhand

    Oldhand Moderator

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  13. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    maybe like iphone or ps3 when they first came out, catching onto the initial hyped demand
     
  14. Qidong

    Qidong Regular Member

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    I sure will keep on checking to see if there are really any dumber buyers. :D
     
  15. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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  16. Lobeh

    Lobeh Regular Member

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    [FONT=&quot]T[/FONT][FONT=&quot]here really should be more male counsellors – straight to the heart of the problem ![/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Dear Walter[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]I hope you can help me here.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]I walked back home to get my husband's help.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]I am 41, my husband is 44, and the neighbor's daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Can you please help?[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Sincerely,[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Sheila [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Dear Sheila[/FONT][FONT=&quot], [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all earth wires.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]I hope this helps.[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Walter[/FONT]
     
  17. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    Is it the NBA or the NFL??

    ..(some of you have probably seen this; if not, get ready to nod your head)..:p;)

    Is It the NBA Or NFL?​


    [​IMG][​IMG]

    36
    Have been accused of spousal abuse


    7
    Have been arrested for fraud


    19
    Have been accused of writing bad checks



    117
    Have directly or indirectly
    Bankrupted at least 2 businesses



    3
    Have done time for assault



    71,
    Repeat...
    71,
    Cannot
    Get a credit card due to bad credit


    14
    Have been arrested on drug-related charges


    8
    Have been arrested for shoplifting


    21
    Currently
    Are defendants in lawsuits, and


    84
    Have been arrested for drunk driving

    In
    The last year


    Can
    You guess which organization this is?

    Give up yet?... Scroll down,
























    [​IMG]

    Neither,
    it's the 535 members of the
    United States Congress



    The
    Same group of Idiots that crank out
    Hundreds of new laws each year
    Designed to keep the rest of us in line.
     
    #1137 ctjcad, Jan 26, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2009
  18. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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  19. OneToughBirdie

    OneToughBirdie Regular Member

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  20. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    OK...now with the new president...

    ..(some of you have probably seen/read these; if not, enjoy)..:p;)

    "There was a little confusion at the meeting there at the White House when President Bush was told that Obama was coming. He said 'Oh, you mean we caught him?'" --David Letterman

    "See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I'm gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn't give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

    "I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things are going downhill quickly, but Obama's new campaign slogan is 'Are you better off than you were four days ago?'" --Bill Maher

    On his image: "Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth. Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president. If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome." --Obama at the Al Smith Dinner

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    and last but not least...

    [​IMG]
     

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