Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by Gessle, Aug 8, 2004.

  1. azabaz_ipoh

    azabaz_ipoh Regular Member

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    i thought it was ping pong matrix. that one is so creative, the ping pong matrix i mean. hahahaha. i am gonna go watch it again now. :D

    this one is my favourite. :p :)
     
  2. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    2008 World Caricature Competition...

    ..some of you guys have probably seen these; if not, enjoy!

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  3. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    WHY all kids should tuck in their shirts! A MUST SEE TO BELIEVE!

    ..(some of you have probably seen this video; if not, be aware)..:p ;)
    Back to school sale!! The new spring models are on sale!!

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=tqXF75s64W8
     
    #903 ctjcad, Apr 16, 2008
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2008
  4. jchan04

    jchan04 Regular Member

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    they are all photoshopped
     
  5. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    Funny pictures & images...

    ..(some of you guys have probably seen these; if not, enjoy!)..:p;)

    Lan party..
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    This is awesome!..
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    Thank goodness our car is small..
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    If America Loses The War, what could happen...:p;)

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  6. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    I did not made this up.

    Sir, how many containers you have outside?? LOL


    This cropped image taken from video provided Thursday, May 1, 2008 by KXAS-TV in Fort Worth, Texas, shows part of a check written out for $360 billion. Charles Ray Fuller, who said his girlfriend's mother gave him the check, was arrested last week when he tried to cash it at a Fort Worth bank. Fuller said he wanted to start a record business.
    (AP Photo/KXAS-TV)
     

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  7. Qidong

    Qidong Regular Member

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    I just saw it on yahoo.com also.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080502/ap_on_fe_st/odd_check_for_billions
     
  8. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    #908 ctjcad, May 2, 2008
    Last edited: May 2, 2008
  9. Qidong

    Qidong Regular Member

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  10. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    #910 cooler, May 3, 2008
    Last edited: May 3, 2008
  11. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    Yeah..

    ..all 4 1/2 Horsepower and without a reverse gear! :p..Btw, i like the sport version!..I like the portion when they show the car parked alongside the other people in the meeting!..;)
    ..i still can't believe the Peel is much smaller than the vehicles(2nd pic) shown on the 1st page (1st post) of that thread..:p
     
  12. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    my gas mower has 4.5 hp too but i know it pollutes more than a honda accord
     
  13. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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  14. azabaz_ipoh

    azabaz_ipoh Regular Member

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    yeah, that part is funny. and, you have to love british humor, the meeting was about reducing carbon print and they pan the camera to the four same newspapers on the table and the fact that there's a full grown giant of a man in a car that are so environmental unfriendly in that particular meeting. hahahahaha. i love british humor and top gear are so politically incorrect it is the bomb. hahaha.
     
  15. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    this fella is taking the running on water fad one step further for that extra power boost:p
     

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  16. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    Michaelangelo's David...

    (some of you probably have seen this; if not, enjoy!:p;))

    ..After a short visit to the United States, Michaelangelo's David returns to Italy...

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  17. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    Float in a German Parade!!!

    (a few of you probably have seen this; if not, enjoy!:p;))
    So, you think the world isn't watching the fiasco in the USA ?
    *It could've been the other way around, too...


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  18. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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  19. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    Chilli Cook-Off

    If you can read this whole story without laughing, then
    there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual
    account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas .

    Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .

    Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .
    Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.'

    Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

    CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
    Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
    Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
    Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff?You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

    CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
    Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
    Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
    Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

    CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
    Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
    Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
    Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill.My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

    CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
    Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice.Disappointing.
    Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
    Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?
    Sally,the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

    CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
    Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
    Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
    Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

    CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
    Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
    Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
    Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted,
    and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

    CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
    Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
    Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
    Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

    CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
    Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
    Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
    Judge # 3 - No Report
     
  20. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    ^^I was suprised...^^

    ..after reading the above story, i was surprised Judge #3 didn't fall into cardiac arrest by the 3rd or 4th chili event...:rolleyes:

    Anyway, for those of you living in Europe, or have been in Europe (or planning to visit there one of these days), here is a video (from UK) on why it's not a good idea to drive into bus lanes in Europe...(some of you have probably seen this video; if not, enjoy the laugh!):p;)

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=AKVBK-0veE8
     

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