Adelina, women have double standards on infidelity
Adelina, your post displays a very common double standard I have seen with regard to infidelity.
If a man cheats on a woman with whom he is in a serious, monogamous relationship, 99% of all women won't ask for details - they simply label him a scum, a dirtbag, POS, etc....
However, if a woman cheats on a man with whom she is in a serious, monogamous relationship, the majority (but not all) of women will quickly ask, as you did, "What did he do to cause her to look elsewhere? He must have been really deficient in being a good significant other" and seek to blame the man and find an excuse for the woman. Women assume that other women who cheat were practically forced to do so by the faults and negative actions and shortcomings of the man.
Why the double standard? Why not agree that being unfaithful can be as awful of a betrayal as anyone can experience, without regard to genders of the cheater and the faithful partner?
While I agree that men tend to cheat more for reasons of physical attractiveness and pleasure, whereas women tend to cheat to feel wanted and gain affection, aren't both situations really ones in which the cheating partner is seeking to feel better about him/her self and is seeking an ego boost? When you look at the basic motivations behind cheating, isn't it really the same for both men and women?
It really bugs me that unfaithfulness and adultry are treated so lightly by television, movies, and Western society in general.** Americans are totally up in arms about the treason and betrayal of John Walker Lindh, the American Taliban (as they should be). Yet most of these same people feel only 20% of the outrage toward a cheating significant other. Why? To me, both sets of betrayals are pretty similar.
**Although I even more strongly condemn the reverse side of the coint, those barbarous African, central and south Asian customs where a woman suspected of infidelity (sometimes even just the totally non-consensual victim of ****) is burned alive or stoned by some mob of raving lunatics, ostensibly for reasons of "honor" or adherence to "religious" beliefs - what a load of total horsesh*t.
Originally posted by adelina76
Also, always remember that there's 2 sides to a coin. This girl you're talking about.. if you say that she'd cheated behind your back, did you bother to find out why? Could it be because you play too much badminton and neglected her? Don't always be too fast to judge Matt..and too fast to blame others..I mean fair enough if after finding out that there's no other reason why she'd cheated on you except that she just really like this other guy...then okey, she's a horrible person..but until then.. have you actually found out why she did what she did?
Same goes for the other things you said..i.e breaking a promise...there may be a good reason to her doing that..(or not). As for keeping a secret from you, there again may be a good reason to it? Put yourself in her shoes (oh, u look cute in heels Matt..) and see whether you would have done what she did GIVEN THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES she was facing...and then decide whether she's horrible or she had a good reason for doing what she did?
A
Adelina, your post displays a very common double standard I have seen with regard to infidelity.
If a man cheats on a woman with whom he is in a serious, monogamous relationship, 99% of all women won't ask for details - they simply label him a scum, a dirtbag, POS, etc....
However, if a woman cheats on a man with whom she is in a serious, monogamous relationship, the majority (but not all) of women will quickly ask, as you did, "What did he do to cause her to look elsewhere? He must have been really deficient in being a good significant other" and seek to blame the man and find an excuse for the woman. Women assume that other women who cheat were practically forced to do so by the faults and negative actions and shortcomings of the man.
Why the double standard? Why not agree that being unfaithful can be as awful of a betrayal as anyone can experience, without regard to genders of the cheater and the faithful partner?
While I agree that men tend to cheat more for reasons of physical attractiveness and pleasure, whereas women tend to cheat to feel wanted and gain affection, aren't both situations really ones in which the cheating partner is seeking to feel better about him/her self and is seeking an ego boost? When you look at the basic motivations behind cheating, isn't it really the same for both men and women?
It really bugs me that unfaithfulness and adultry are treated so lightly by television, movies, and Western society in general.** Americans are totally up in arms about the treason and betrayal of John Walker Lindh, the American Taliban (as they should be). Yet most of these same people feel only 20% of the outrage toward a cheating significant other. Why? To me, both sets of betrayals are pretty similar.
**Although I even more strongly condemn the reverse side of the coint, those barbarous African, central and south Asian customs where a woman suspected of infidelity (sometimes even just the totally non-consensual victim of ****) is burned alive or stoned by some mob of raving lunatics, ostensibly for reasons of "honor" or adherence to "religious" beliefs - what a load of total horsesh*t.