Monthly..- January Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter. March Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years." April Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. May Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets. June Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope. July After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms. August Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down. September When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C." October Hates M & M's because they are so hard to peel. November Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said one hour per pound and she weighed 120. December Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.
because an egg is un oeuf (enough)!! *laughs* (i just found that out). .. this one caught my eye too. when's a door not a door?
hahahaha, good one. You got it!! How the heck a malaysian knows more french than me (which is not alot)
relax! it isn't difficult if all i had to do was just do a search: "french egg joke". BAM! i got the answer. may i know why a non-living thing has a gender. an egg is a masculine, it seems!
E-mail dont think this has been posted before. E-mail it's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.
W in New Orleans.. Good Fish'n in New Orleans.. This is true..Apprarently W(and his dad) caught 2 basses and 1 trout over the weekend...and then the National Guard had to order them out of the water...it will be on the news tonight... This is a laugh...
* don't anyone get offended by this* "Only Chinese can have this idea" A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from the States. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin with no space left in it! When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top which read as follows: Dear Cousins, I am sending Ahma body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ahma's body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu, 10 packets Swiss chocolate and 8 packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong. Please divide these among all of you. On Ahma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10) for Ah boy. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's and Ah Lien's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ahma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves. The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ahma is wearing are for the boys. The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ahma's left wrist. Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei, Ahma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ahma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins. Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong is also not keeping well nowadays. I can send all required things when our Ah Kong goes back too............
The Top 10 best answering machine messages... 10 . My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. 9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub,and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you. 8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call. 7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. 6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money. 5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message. 4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a"sexy" message, I'll call sooner. 3. Hi. Now YOU say something. 2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages. 1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back
weather jokes Cold Winter It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the heck the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the Meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. One week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" he asked. "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy." --------------------------------- Did you hear that Norm Groman, the TV weatherman failed his meteorologist exam. They caught him looking out the window.
Pondering I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said Implants?" She hit me. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I have stayed alive. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!" A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. My ex used to say I never listen to her (at least I think that's what she said). Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR! Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?
John: Look at that dead bird! Peter (looks skyward): Where? Where got? --------------------------------------------------------- John decided to impress his date and so brought her to a very chic Italian restaurant. They sipped some wine, then John picked up the menu. "We'll have the Giuseppi Spomdalucci please." The waiter replied, "I'm sorry, sir. That's the owner."
a mand and his son are sitting in a Car, the cars crashes and both of them are knocked out. the man goes into an ambulance to Hospital A, and the boy with a chopper to hospital B. at hospital B, at the time teh man gets to hospic A, the boys is in need of surgery. in the OR the doctor who is asinged to opertate says:'i can't operate this kid, that's my son" how is this possible
the doctor is a women, his mother. this riddle was 'invented' in the 80' as a 'counter' to feminism, since even they didn't get it...
