World's Tightest Pair of Jeans World's Tightest Pair of Jeans (ok, maybe there's an even tighter one)...and maybe the picture is slightly on the border of PG; or has been photoshopped and some of you guys have seen it before... (no...not her silly...)SCROLL TO THE RIGHT
Story ONE >> Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place >>to show it to >>her. >>So there Ah Beng was, telling and bragging the various functions of >>his new car >>to his girlfriend. >>"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!" >>"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian. >>"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!" >>So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!" >>So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored >>the >>accelerator. >>The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the >>lamp-post. >>"Alamak! What are u doing?!!! U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!!! Wah >>Piang eh!" >>screamed Ah Beng. >>"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing >>mah!"* >> >>Story TWO >>The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So >>the captain had >>to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make >>room for women >>and children. >>To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped. >>To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied. >>To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed. >>To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged. >>Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he >>came up with >>the appeal: >>"Free life jackets for those who jumped." >> >> Story THREE >>3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army's supply base >>to collect >>their underwear. >>Their sergeant was there to aid the supplies. >>Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah? >>Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)! >>Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many? >>Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one. >>Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear? >>Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen! >>Sergeant: (curious) How come six? >>Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong. >>Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwear dah dei? >>Tambhi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!! >>Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why do you need so many >>for? >>Tambhi: January, February, March.....One month one. >> >>Story FOUR >>Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and >>wanted the DJ to >>play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien meaning Ah Cheng >>buys bread). >>The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to >>re-select >>another song. >>The Ah Bengs were indignant and kicked up a big fuss, claiming that >>the DJ was >>insulting them. >>The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, >>after many >>hours of talking, the manager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs >>were >>actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" >>by the Righteous Brothers. >> >>Story FIVE >>One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a >>building and >>wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the >>dial, they could >>see the number 20 down to number 2. >>It was then followed by a G. As they were not English-educated, >>they were >>puzzled and really had no idea what does the letter G mean. >>Suddenly one of >>them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. >>When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was >>so impressed >>and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wow, how you know one?" >>The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..." >> >>Story SIX >> Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and >>decided to apply >>for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm" company. >>During the >>interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a >>while and >>said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife. >> " And went >>off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. >>Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire >>lawyers with >>surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa >>Singh!" >>So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection. >>Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and >>request for >>another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told >>you that we >>only hire.......' when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I >>know, I know. I >>have ju st changed my name. >>Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your >>new name >>then?" >>On this, Santa Singh replied 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' >>(Manga-Li)
Ted is 7-yr old n he's very bad in essay writing. > one day the teacher asked the class to write a 500-word essay base on > any title they like. Ted thought real hard n finally he started his > essay: > > Titled: Composition - my lost cat > > One day i lost my kitty, i went out to the street n started calling: HELLO > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty > kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty..." but she never > comes back, that's how i lost my cat. > > (510 words)
1) MR. BEAN SEES A DOCTOR : Doctor : I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor. Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy) Doctor : Did you understand what I just told you? Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb? Doctor : Then why are you so happy? Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain! 2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL: Teacher : What is 5 plus 4? Mr. Bean : 9 Teacher : What is 4 plus 5? Mr. Bean : Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!! 3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE: Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!! 4) AT AN ATM MACHINE: Friend : What are you looking at? Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend : Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)! 5) MARRIAGE: Friend : How many women do you believe must a man marry? Mr. Bean: 16 Frien d : Why? Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse. 6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND: Friend : How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok? Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture. Friend : What tape did you take anyway? Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner. 7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER: Mr. Beancrying) the doctor called, Mom's dead. Friend : condolence, my friend. (After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder Friend : what now? Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too! 8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING: Colleague : Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure. Mr. Bean : That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs. 9) SPELLING LESSON: Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c? Mr. Bean : Make it three c to be sure!
I just received this e-mail from a friend and it's damned sarcastic. Can someone translate it into English?
A Reformed Woman ..alright, some of you might've seen this before..if not, enjoy I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me. "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked. "Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!" "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight." The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.
ctjcad, thanks for all the jokes posted. I like those jokes with pictures but too lazy to read those with long text. Anyway, keep it coming.
Hmmm, let's see.. ..ah, you've finally stumbled upon some old, almost forgotten, jokes....And in response to those queries: -Sí Señor ("Funny Foreign Frases", it's done purposely in relation to the other following words or phrases being used) -Oui Monsieur (okay a few, some of 'em are a bit on the borderline; i assume you know they're titles of movies, tv shows?) -Iya Boss (if you read carefully, a lot of puns are being used) ..are they supposed to/not supposed to be funny? well, it depends how one looks at them; take 'em lightly because they (or most of the jokes in this thread) are simply....jokes... *looking around wondering if we're in the "Jokes" thread or not*
Some of the World's Most Bizarre Statues.. (courtesy of our BC member, samuel882).. ..some of you guys might've seen these already-if not, enjoy..and these are for our robin7 In front of the Ernst & Young building (Los Angeles) Optimus Prime (Southern China) The "Magic tap" (found in "Aqualand" of Cadiz, Spain), which appears to float in the sky with an endless supply of water. Actually, there is a pipe hidden in the stream of water that holds the whole structure A Mona Lisa made of computer chips (ASUS headquarters) (Oslo, Norway) Car park markings continue up the wall of the building where a Morris Mini is parked. The head- and taillights light up at night. MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "maps.google.com" claiming to be (Westenbergstraat, Netherlands) Potsdam, Germany) (Springfield, Missouri) "The Shark" (Headington, Oxford) "Iron Lady", in front of the building Regentes (Netherlands) Salt Lake City In front of the Bukcheon Museum (Seoul, Korea) A contemporary representation of Charles La Trobe in central Melbourne (This temporary installation was removed at the end of June 2006 and has been acquired by La Trobe University). Mazinger Z (near Tarragona, Spain)
German (Western) & Chinese (Eastern) Icons (pics courtesy of our samuel882)..some of you have seen these already; if not, enjoy! These icons were designed by Liu Yang who was born in China and educated in Germany. Blue --> German Red --> Chinese ..although not all of them are necessarily true, as they could be interchangeable.. It may help us to understand...each other better ======================================================== Opinion Way of Life Punctuality Contacts Anger Queue When Waiting Me Sundays On The Road Party In The Restaurant Upset Stomach/Stomach Ache Traveling Definition of Beauty (tan & untan) Handling of Problems Three Meals A Day Transportation Elderly In Day To Day Life Time Of Shower Moods and Weather The Boss What's Trendy The Child Things That Are New Perception Of Each Other
Hm...it's quite witty. Lolz. I can't translate it properly, but it is indeed quite funny. Too bad I can only get the general gist of it, I really can't translate it.
Funny joke of the day: Excel's father A woman named Anny demanding Taufik Hidayat’s –a famous Indonesian badminton athlete – confession of their son, 5 years old a boy called Excel. Anny said that Taufik Hidayat is Excel’s dad; as they were had relationship few years ago. Anny said that Excel need to meet his father at least once a life time, and Taufik’s confession needed to get Excel’s Indonesian Legal letter of Birth. Taufik refused to confess, and demanding DNA test to prove it. Hm, I think I know who is Excel’s father exactly, Microsoft Office!
