i have to say this US election is the most entertaining and likely most watched and followed that i can remember. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XctwTMslo9M&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YifLtTSGWCw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdDqSvJ6aHc&feature=related
Message From The Queen ..some of you have read this; if not, enjoy! MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN To the citizens of the U.S. from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except , which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: ----------------------- 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). ------------------------ 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ------------------- 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. ----------------- 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse. ---------------------- 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. ---------------------- 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. -------------------- 7. The former will adopt prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. ------------------- 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. ------------------- 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. --------------------- 10. Movies will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. --------------------- 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). --------------------- 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of the U.S. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. -------------------- 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. ----------------- 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). --------------- 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. ------------------ God Save the Queen! PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
This is brilliant. Having been in the States for a few weeks now, I'm still getting used to these 'strange' spellings. You definitely need a sense of humor to appreciate these changes.
fruits personification i'm a little lazy, can anyone direct me to the post with the fruits that have emotions or actions. they used fruits to create stories or something.
A bit of weekend laff.. ..(some of you have probably seen these; if not, enjoy!) since halloween is coming up (this by no means signify that i or BC endorse halloween), here are 2 halloween-related jokes.... Ha ha ha ha Drink responsibly this Halloween! =============================================================== HALLOWEEN IS GOING TO SUCK THIS YEAR !! (is cooler going trick or treating??..) =============================================================== I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline... Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Did you see this? http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081013/od_nm/us_tennis_wang;_ylt=Ar2iVZT1KYrQ_zC79D93qWWs0NUE Thank god LD or LCW or TH does that... We badminton player holds much much higher standard.
There are these retards/kids on my street that go around every Halloween and smack eggs at people's garages. They hit my garage last year right after I painted it . I know they'll be back for more this year, and I'll be waiting with the pressure hose...
"Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." -- George W. Bush speaking about the Wall Street crisis, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2008 (AP/Charles Dharapak) "First of all, I don't see America having problems." -- George W. Bush, interview with Bob Costas at the 2008 Olympics, Beijing, China, Aug. 10, 2008 (AP/Charles Dharapak) "What was the question? I’m 62, I’m having trouble remembering a lot of things." -- George W. Bush to a journalist at a press conference in Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008 (AP/Ron Edmonds) Let's make sure that there is certainty during uncertain times in our economy." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 2, 2008 (AP/Evan Vucci) "I know the democratic spirit is alive in our country because there was a big vote recently: The new American Idol got about 55 million votes." -- George W. Bush, Greenville, S.C., May 31, 2008 (AP/Evan Vucci) "Do I think somebody lied to me? No, I don’t. I think it was just, you know, they analyzed the situation and came up with the wrong conclusion." -- George W. Bush, after being asked whether he felt he had been misled about Iraq, Washington, D.C., May 13, 2008 (AP/J. Scott Applewhite) I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008 (AP/Charles Dharapak) "I got a lot of Ph.D.-types and smart people around me who come into the Oval Office and say, 'Mr. President, here's what's on my mind.' And I listen carefully to their advice. But having gathered the device, I decide, you know, I say, 'This is what we're going to do.'" -- George W. Bush, Lancaster, Pa., Oct. 3, 2007 (AP/Gerald Herbert) "I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas." -- George W. Bush, on the former South African president, who is still very much alive, Washington, D.C., Sept. 20, 2007 (AP/Haraz N. Ghanbari) "The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007 (AP/Ron Edmonds) (maybe the 911 conspiracy theory has a case ) LOL You know, I guess I'm like any other political figure: Everybody wants to be loved." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007 (AP/Haraz N. Ghanbari) "Are you going to ask that question with shades on?" -- George W. Bush in an exchange with legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006 (AP/Ron Edmonds) “Wow! Brazil is big.” -- George W. Bush, after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005 (AP/Gerald Herbert) You work three jobs? Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." -- George W. Bush to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Neb., Feb. 4, 2005 (AP/Christophe Ena) "We thought we were protected forever from trade policy or terrorist attacks because oceans protected us." -- George W. Bush, speaking to business leaders at APEC Summit, Santiago, Chile, Nov. 20, 2004 (AP/Charles Dharapak) "I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004 (AP/Lawrence Jackson) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” -- George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (AP/J. Scott Applewhite) “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (AP/Ron Edmonds) “See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.” -- George W. Bush, Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003 (AP/Carolyn Kaster) “There’s an old…saying in Tennessee…I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once…(3 second pause)… Shame on…(4 second pause)…Shame on you….(6 second pause)…Fool me…Can’t get fooled again.” -- George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002. (AP/Ron Edmonds) "They misunderestimated me." -- George W. Bush, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000 (AP/Ron Edmonds) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." -- George W. Bush, Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000 (AP/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)
[FONT="]A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown[/FONT][FONT="]and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front[/FONT][FONT="]of him.[/FONT] [FONT="]He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. 'What's the matter, dear?[/FONT][FONT="]'she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?' The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?[/FONT][FONT="]'he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. 'Yes, I do'she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?' 'Yes, I remember!'[/FONT][FONT="]said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues.[/FONT][FONT="]'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face[/FONT][FONT="]and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?' 'I remember that too' she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... 'I would have been released today.'[/FONT]
(No joking matter)... **this just crossed my mind...I think we should enjoy these jokes because with just a couple or so weeks away til the U.S. general election and W's days as the Commander in Chief numbered, i realize: - if the next President comes from the incumbent party, the jokes will probably continue to fill the air...however.. - if the next President comes from the non-incumbent party, then we might be hard pressed to make similar jokes...hmmmm.. anyway, i'm all for fair game...
