How to Uplift Easily-Disheartened Partner/Yourself in a game

[Abdullah Ahmad AAK]

I play competitive Men's Doubles in my club. 1 of my regular partners is the best player in the club skills-wise, but he gets frustrated very easily in a match if he or his partner makes unforced errors or give away easy points. Even starts shouting and cursing himself for simple mistakes e.g. trying to do a net shot and not giving it enough height to cross the net.

1- As the more mature and less emotional partner in a game, how does one support a partner who is frustrated with himself (and you too maybe) for giving away a few points?

My current strategy is saying: "No problem, let's get them in the next point etc. come on you got this etc etc" and cheering him up when the other team makes a silly mistake in reply to his shot.

2- How do you get yourself out of such a situation e.g. you are playing singles and have no one to lift up your spirits or support you?

 

[Budi]

I think its more on personal aim.
If you aim for winning, yes it will frustate you coz losing is getting near on every mistake made by ourself or our partner. Remember the more you frustate, the more your games ruin as your mind are clouded by you anger, uneasy, frustation, & all.
Instead of thinking about winning, try to think about how to give our best in every act. Winning is a bonus as the result of your best act. But if you lose, you lose without regret as you did your best & admit your opponent are excelent.

Its something that need to be realize by our own. Telling to chill out, saying its ok to someone in frustation most of the time just to makes him even more desperate or angry especially when he is more skilled than you (his mind would say, who are you to command me you inferior human) or you who did alot of mistake (his mind will say, its all your fault & you say its OK, you dumb a**).

 

[ralphz]

I play competitive Men's Doubles in my club. 1 of my regular partners is the best player in the club skills-wise, but he gets frustrated very easily in a match if he or his partner makes unforced errors or give away easy points. Even starts shouting and cursing himself for simple mistakes e.g. trying to do a net shot and not giving it enough height to cross the net.

1- As the more mature and less emotional partner in a game, how does one support a partner who is frustrated with himself (and you too maybe) for giving away a few points?

My current strategy is saying: "No problem, let's get them in the next point etc. come on you got this etc etc" and cheering him up when the other team makes a silly mistake in reply to his shot.

2- How do you get yourself out of such a situation e.g. you are playing singles and have no one to lift up your spirits or support you?

Why do you care?

You can let him deal with things the way he wants to deal with things.

Do you really want to try to be like a psychologist/therapist?

Sometimes it's actually beneficial to mirror them. Because if they get mad when they miss, then they see you don't get mad when you miss, they might think you don't care. One approach is, when in Rome, act like the Romans. You might build some rappore.

If you start going really nuts, when you miss, then he might start saying to you "it's ok".

Then you can try saying that to him, see how he likes it.

Sometimes players think like you do that they're "more mature", or "more experienced", and try to manage their partners emotions.. I am not keen on the idea.

If they are not good at doing net shots in a composed way, then what you could do is practise some net shots with them, so they see how to do net shots in a composed way.

Ultimately, you have to accept that winning points is good, and losing points is good too, because, as the NLP saying goes. "There's no such thing as failure, only feedback"(really there is failure but it has a positive side of feedback, which is great, especially in badminton where failure isn't normally a disaster)... You can look at it as, any game is a test, if you are messing up or your partner is then that's good, a test succeeded in finding a problem for you to work on.

 

[Abdullah Ahmad AAK]

Why do you care?

You can let him deal with things the way he wants to deal with things.

Do you really want to try to be like a psychologist/therapist?

Sometimes it's actually beneficial to mirror them. Because if they get mad when they miss, then they see you don't get mad when you miss, they might think you don't care. One approach is, when in Rome, act like the Romans. You might build some rappore.

If you start going really nuts, when you miss, then he might start saying to you "it's ok".

Then you can try saying that to him, see how he likes it.

Sometimes players think like you do that they're "more mature", or "more experienced", and try to manage their partners emotions.. I am not keen on the idea.

If they are not good at doing net shots in a composed way, then what you could do is practise some net shots with them, so they see how to do net shots in a composed way.

Ultimately, you have to accept that winning points is good, and losing points is good too, because, as the NLP saying goes. "There's no such thing as failure, only feedback"(really there is failure but it has a positive side of feedback, which is great, especially in badminton where failure isn't normally a disaster)... You can look at it as, any game is a test, if you are messing up or your partner is then that's good, a test succeeded in finding a problem for you to work on.

1- Sorry I forgot to mention, he's also my partner in the local team so we also end up losing quite a few points. I really don't wanna play psychologist but I can't leave him alone in his sea of bubbling emotions during an important match without giving him mental support, or else he goes into berserk mode. (swinging racket crazily at his leg, screaming at himself, rudely whipping the shuttle to the other side after a point etc etc)

I know it's his personal issue
And that a permanent solution would of course be him improving shot consistency and working on controlling emotions etc.
but I do think 1 partner should be able to calm down his other partner if he is getting frustrated, as a temporary solution.

Like in international doubles, partners are seen either celebrating many won point with small shouts or slapping hands together. But even when they lose the point, they tap (idk what else to call it) each other's hands to keep themselves focused and each other's spirits up.

2- I'll try what you said about mirroring him and helping him improve consistency though. Under pressure everyone's shot consistency tends to break down.

 

[Budi]

Little trick but its not something can be done by partner but jusr ourself.
Basically the issue is mind/mental thing so you should learn to play your mind.

When im kinda overpowered & throw the shuttle out, im just talking to myself saying "damn... Am i get biten by a spider? Where those power come from"
When my shot struck the net, i would talk to my own hand, "cmon dude its not your usual, wake up. Ooh wait.. Your wrist band position abit ackward, the logo facing downward. Ok its done, lets bet those guy".
When my partner did alot of mistake, i would say "damn... He is good (the opponent), but how i can beat him with my situation... Comeon brain think think think, he is not a pro so there must be a way.

It might sound stupid but believe me, no one know your stupidity as its in your mind. Unless ofcourse you say it loud & the whole court hear it.
Learn how to move on & get out from the stress situation quick.

 

[ralphz]

.....

Re mirroring, you could try mirroring him but at a lower intensity level.. and see if they follow..(and you could say to him that you get frustrated too sometimes, but not quite as much.. see if he says yeah that's good).

You can study him..

Say different things, try different things during or between games. And see what effect they have.

You could even go to a cafe and build some rappore with him.

You have a whole tournament to try different things.

Will you be assigned a different partner after the tournament? Or is it a partner that is even more permanent?

Really if he just behaves like that and you find things aren't working then maybe don't take it too seriously when you lose.. Sometimes the tournament is screwed for you if you have a bad partner!

I once had a crazy partner and we got to the quarter finals and he got crazy ideas and refused to have a conversation about it, it was obvious to me we were going to lose .. and we did. Purely because of his ideas. But I knew already that if he went like that, there was no way we'd win the tournament. He went crazy twice in the tournament.. Once at the start, but our opponents were so easy for us to defeat it didn't matter, and then again in the quarter finals! But my point is that sometimes when you have a bad partner there isn't much you can do and not to put expectations too high. Even if you reach the quarter finals of a tournament. So it's kind of an important game.. Sometimes if your partner flips, it's probably lost, and sometimes you can't control that. So even if it's the QF.. If my partner is a maniac, then that's a reason that in one sense I won't take it too seriously.. If you try to fix somebody like that and think it's really possible, then you can go mad.

You might find something works, maybe only temporary. Who knows. Hopefully you will have saner partner in a future tournament.

There's no question though that if you practise with him the shots where he misses, so he does them better, so he misses less, then he might complain about himself less!

 

[wljnbgwx]

Im not sure if my advise will help.

But as an athlete, ur buddy should have been having this habit for a long long time. My approach will be to have a profession sports psychiatrist to help him with his attitude.

 

[R20190]

It's a difficult subject as different people react differently and need different stimuli. I find for most people praising them on their shots however trivial it may seem can help give them the spark they need but sometimes just letting them be may be best. I tend to try and play to my partners strengths and try not to expose their weaknesses to much. This helps build their confidence in the game again and hopefully get them out of the mental block. But for some who just will not snap out of it, it's best to talk to them after the game and just ask them what could "we" have done better, what do we need to work on etc. Ultimately good communication is key, whether you do it during the game or after.

Oh and don't forget the old "hi-five" after every point.

 

[Borkya]

Like in international doubles, partners are seen either celebrating many won point with small shouts or slapping hands together. But even when they lose the point, they tap (idk what else to call it) each other's hands to keep themselves focused and each other's spirits up.

Me and my partner do this, high fiving almost every point, if we won or lost it. But once he stops doing it, I know he's spiraling down into anger and self criticism. It's a good early warning sign of his mental state, haha.

I think things like "you got this," and "you can do it," don't help when someone is frustrated with themselves (that kind of advice works better when the partner is tired and you are trying to give them energy to continue.) Because it is like proof that they are messing up and everyone notices and therefore they get more frustrated.

Again people are all different and there is no one method, but maybe just try new things. I find sometimes you can counter balance their bad energy with your good energy, and if you act more nonchalant, or like, you're enjoying the game more, kinda laughing at errors or real happy with good shots (even from the opponent) then it can change the energy of "the team." If you get all quiet and worried then the energy of the team goes down as well.

 

[SnowWhite]

If you know your partner is prone to frustration, it's good to know that it is much easier to prevent any frustration than it is to bring him back from the edge. This starts at 0-0.

Focus on positives. If he scores a good point: 'good shot', 'well played', 'well placed'. If you score a good point, share you success with him. Don't turn away and celebrate, turn to your partner and celebrate. This will strengthen your teamspirit. It sends the message: 'look what we just accomplished', and not 'look at the amazing shot I just played'.

When he makes a mistake, I find it works well to take the attention away from the mistake he just played, and shift focus to the rest of the game. Like: 'nothing's changed, we're still x points ahead'. 'no worries, let's go'. Or if you're behind: 'we can still win this', 'we're still in the game', or if the score seems hopeless: 'let's make them earn it'.

I dislike it when after I make a mistake, my partner says 'bad luck'. Because usually it's not bad luck, it's just a bad shot. For players who are critical of themselves, they usually own up to their mistakes (and maybe curse themselves for it). So when someone says it's just bad luck, it's like saying they couldn't have done anything about it, when the player knows they could have done better. I know it's well intentioned, but when a player is already frustrated it can rub them the wrong way.

Usually, when someone is frustrated, don't try to coach them on tactics or technique. More often than not, they know what they did wrong, and reminding them will just frustrate them more. Even if the advice is good in theory, when someone is frustrated it is almost always better to focus on calming them down.

If they seem frustrated by your attempts to calm them down (it happens), then there is clearly nothing you can do. So just play on and leave them to it. He might be able to calm himself down.