Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by Gessle, Aug 8, 2004.

  1. Roughorsmooth

    Roughorsmooth Regular Member

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    A recent study suggests that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
     
  2. Thor_Ra

    Thor_Ra New Member

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    Number two sounds particularly unpleasant when the umpire strikes back.
     
    stanleyfm and phihag like this.
  3. Thor_Ra

    Thor_Ra New Member

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    How many badminton players does it take to convince any doubters that badminton is the best racket sport there is?

    Ten is enough to squash their arguments.
     
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  4. shreyas666

    shreyas666 Regular Member

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    Occupation:
    chief mis-information officer
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    A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and unable to speak English or any other language for that matter, looks at the barman, shits on the floor and walks out.
     
    Baddie lover likes this.
  5. shreyas666

    shreyas666 Regular Member

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    When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $200.00. That's why, in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
     
  6. Roughorsmooth

    Roughorsmooth Regular Member

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    Scientists have been exploring ways of making snails move faster by removing their shells. Early trials suggest it just makes them sluggish.
     
  7. Roughorsmooth

    Roughorsmooth Regular Member

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    A guy is walking his dog in the woods when he finds a suitcase, and hears noises from inside. He carefully opens it, finds it full of kittens, and immediately phones RSPCA.
    He tells the operator 'I've found a suitcase full of kittens'
    She asks 'Are they moving?'
    The guy replies 'Well, it would explain the suitcase...'
     
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  8. Vellawolf

    Vellawolf Regular Member

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    You sincerely compliment somebody on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
     
    Baddie lover, visor and swsh like this.
  9. Roughorsmooth

    Roughorsmooth Regular Member

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    I went into a jewellers and said to the assistant 'I'd like to buy a watch'
    He asked 'Analogue?'
    I said 'No, just a watch'
     
  10. Roughorsmooth

    Roughorsmooth Regular Member

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    A guy goes into a library, and the librarian asks 'Can I help you?'
    'Yes' he says, 'I'm looking for books about turtles'
    She asks 'Hardbacks?'
    He says 'Yes, with really small heads'
     
  11. Roughorsmooth

    Roughorsmooth Regular Member

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    A piece of liquorice and a coconut go into a nightclub and a bouncer stops them at the door and says 'We don't just let all sorts in here...'
     
  12. Charlie-SWUK

    Charlie-SWUK Regular Member

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    What did Aerosonic say to Aerobite?

    We're going to be together through thick and thin.
     
    kakinami likes this.
  13. extremenanopowe

    extremenanopowe Regular Member

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    Occupation:
    Chief Coach. The best and still active.
    Location:
    www.extreme-power.org or +65xtremexn.blogspot.com
    My Last Job Interview

    OFFICER:- What is your name?

    Me :- M.P. sir

    OFFICER:- In full please

    Me:- Marvin Paul

    OFFICER:- Your father's name?

    Me:- M.P. sir

    OFFICER:- What does that mean?

    Me:- Martin Paul

    OFFICER:- What is your qualification?

    Me:- M.P.

    OFFICER:- (angry) What is that?!!!

    Me:- Maths and Physics

    OFFICER:- So why do you need a job?

    Me:- It is because of M.P. sir

    OFFICER: Meaning?

    Me:- Money Problem

    OFFICER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?

    Me: MP sir.

    OFFICER: And what is that?

    Me:- Marvelous Personality

    OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.

    Me:- Sir, how was M.P. sir?

    OFFICER:- And what's that again?

    Me:- My Performance.

    OFFICER:- I think you have M.P.

    Me:- What’s that?

    OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!

    Don't laugh alone.
    Send this to M.P. (Many People) those are saved in your M.P. (Mobile Phone)
    to put a smile on their faces. Visit extreme-power.org

    I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My People)
     
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  14. John Xina

    John Xina Regular Member

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    What's the difference between a one night stand and a long lasting relationship?












    About 2 inches.
     
  15. Roughorsmooth

    Roughorsmooth Regular Member

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    My wife went into the lingerie department and said to the assistant 'I'd like to buy some knickers'. The assistant asked 'Satin?' and my wife said 'No, new ones'.
     
  16. Roughorsmooth

    Roughorsmooth Regular Member

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    Did something stupid last night... I rubbed baked beans into my eyes. But then, Heinz sight's a great thing...
     

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