Thanks for visiting us!

Badminton Central is a free community for fans of badminton! If you find anything useful here please consider registering to see more content and get involved with our great community users, it takes less than 15 seconds! Everybody is welcome here.

Click here for a FREE account!

Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by Gessle, Aug 8, 2004.

  1. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2004
    Messages:
    19,144
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    u.s.a.
    Tiger Woods' 2009 Christmas Card..

    ..apology in advance for any Tiger Woods' fan and if you guys haven't seen it, enjoy!:p;)

    What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common?

    answer below…
































    They both get clubbed by Norwegians..

    [​IMG]
     
  2. MetalOrange

    MetalOrange Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    home
    ctjcad,

    you should lodge the ball into the adam's apple.

    MetalOrange
     
  3. Fidget

    Fidget Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2008
    Messages:
    3,280
    Likes Received:
    34
    Occupation:
    something far too busy for my badminton needs
    Location:
    Canada
    comments and questions:

    -Look how tightly she's holding that club. :eek:Yikes!
    -Is anyone really that blonde or only people delivered in a birthing tub full of peroxide?
    -Isn't she Swedish and not Norwegian? Maybe twobeer knows.
    -Either Scandanavian way, it's Tiger who looks like the ice hockey player.:(
     
  4. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2002
    Messages:
    22,050
    Likes Received:
    12
    Occupation:
    Surfing, reading fan mails:D, Dilithium Crystal hu
    Location:
    Basement Boiler Room
    why did tiger hit the fire hydrant and the tree?
    He couldn't decide between an iron or a wood.
     
    #1304 cooler, Dec 5, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2009
  5. MetalOrange

    MetalOrange Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    home
    he's already decided. he wanted them both!:D
     
  6. jug8man

    jug8man Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2003
    Messages:
    2,123
    Likes Received:
    3
    Occupation:
    MultiTasked guy, Stress Addict, Leisure Bum, mad c
    Location:
    Malaysia
    It all makes sense...

    Cheetah, Tiger, Lion.

    Cheater Tiger Lyin
     
  7. jug8man

    jug8man Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2003
    Messages:
    2,123
    Likes Received:
    3
    Occupation:
    MultiTasked guy, Stress Addict, Leisure Bum, mad c
    Location:
    Malaysia
    got this other one on the local radio today. We seem to love these Tiger (bad) jokes

    Tiger Woods
    Wood: Kayu
    Tiger : Harimau
    Hari : Day
    Mau : want

    Hari-hari : Every / daily
    Hari-hari mau : Everyday want
    Hari-hari mau Kayu : Everyday want wood
     
  8. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2002
    Messages:
    22,050
    Likes Received:
    12
    Occupation:
    Surfing, reading fan mails:D, Dilithium Crystal hu
    Location:
    Basement Boiler Room
    RNPS IMAGES OF THE YEAR 2009 - U.S. President Barack Obama (C) and France's President Nicolas Sarkozy (R) take their places with junior G8 delegates, including Brazil's Mayora Tavares (L), for a family photo at the G8 summit in L'Aquila, Italy July 9, 2009.
     

    Attached Files:

  9. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2004
    Messages:
    19,144
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    u.s.a.
    Weekend funnies..

    *sigh*..okay, time to relive this thread...
    some of you have probably read these, if not, enjoy!:p;)

    You know you live in 2009 when...

    1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.


    2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years


    3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screen name or myspace


    4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV


    6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.


    7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.


    8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.


    9.) And you were too busy nodding and smiling to notice there wasn't a number 5.


    10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.


    11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.


    12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
    ===========================================================
    "Colored Man"

    A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.

    The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
    The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:

    "When I was born I was black,"

    "When I grew up I was black,"

    "When I'm sick I'm black,"

    "When I go in the sun I'm black,"

    "When I'm cold I'm black,"

    "When I die I'll be black."

    "But you sir..."

    "When you're born you're pink,"

    "When you're sick, you're green,"

    "When you go in the sun you turn red,"

    "When you're cold you turn blue,"

    "And when you die you turn purple."

    "And you have the nerve to call me colored"

    The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away embarrassed
     
  10. pBmMalaysia

    pBmMalaysia Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2009
    Messages:
    4,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    badminton coach
    Location:
    Kuching, Malaysia, Malaysia
    colored man - joke of d month!:cool:
     
  11. jchan04

    jchan04 Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2008
    Messages:
    684
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Mississauga, Canada
  12. Carrots

    Carrots Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2010
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    Lifeguard in-training...?
    Location:
    Coquitlam, B.C
    A mom is talking with her three children.
    1st Child: Mom, why is my name Rose?
    Mom: Because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head.
    2nd Child: Mom, why is my name Snowflake?
    Mom: Because just as I was carrying you out of the hospital after you were born, a snowflake fell on your head.
    3rd Child: sakfjh 4r8e FIASHF SIOufhadafsdf DO FfdjddSI
    Mom: Shut up, Brick.
     
  13. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2004
    Messages:
    19,144
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    u.s.a.
    Kan Pei!

    ..some of you have read this; if not, enjoy..;)
    =========================================================
    A Chinese guy and his English friend, both of whom don't understand each other's language, went out together for a dinner at a restaurant.
    As the dinner ensues, every time the Chinese guy raises his wine glass, he uttered to his English friend "Kan Pei!" (repeatedly).
    And every time, the Englishman was stunned, yet continues with his dinner.

    It continued as every time the Chinese guy wanted to drink, he yelled out "Kan Pei!"
    Until finally, the Englishman put down his utensils and with a loud voice said to his Chinese friend, "It's all right if you CAN'T PAY! I will pay! Now
    shut up!!
     
  14. venkatesh

    venkatesh Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2008
    Messages:
    1,115
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    editor
    Location:
    manila
    So what doe Kan Pei mean?
     
  15. Jagdpanther

    Jagdpanther Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2008
    Messages:
    2,658
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    Uni Student
    Location:
    Area 51
    "Toast!" or something like that. CMIIW.
     
  16. robin7

    robin7 Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Messages:
    13,685
    Likes Received:
    4
    Occupation:
    Dreamer
    Location:
    Puchong Prima
    It should be "Gan Bei" in Mandarin!
     
    #1316 robin7, Apr 15, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2010
  17. robin7

    robin7 Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Messages:
    13,685
    Likes Received:
    4
    Occupation:
    Dreamer
    Location:
    Puchong Prima
    Some of you might have probably read these, if not, enjoy!

    The Best Adult Jokes Contest 2009

    Grand Prize USD50,000.00
    1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
    Mom asked "How do you know dear?"
    Girl replied "Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."

    First Prize USD25,000.00
    (2) Immigrant Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
    Boss: " When I am sick, I have s3x with my wife - try it."
    2 hours later...
    Immigrant Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."

    10 Consolation Prize USD10,000.00 each
    (3) After s3x, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock.
    Husband asked: "Why? Want to have s3x again?"
    Wife replied: "No dear, I just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."

    (4) Women's lives are hard. Morning, wash clothes. Noon, hang clothes.
    Evening, keep clothes. Nite, iron clothes.
    Midnight, take off clothes. After midnight, find clothes.

    (6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
    "Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
    "I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
    "I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.

    (7) A woman's husband died and she had him cremated.
    She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said, "Sweetheart, this is my last blow job for you."

    (8) Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
    Mom: "When you become a good girl, you will get one."
    Girl: "But mom, what if I am not a good girl?"
    Mom: "Then you will get many, dear!"

    (9) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary: "If I give you USD3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
    Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra, Panties, Everything."

    (10) Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the s3x Education class."
    Teacher: "Why?"
    Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."

    (11) Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
    Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close-by?"
    2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."

    (12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a penis.
    This is because it can be lifted up even by just a simple thought.
     
  18. shooting stroke

    shooting stroke Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    839
    Likes Received:
    6
    Occupation:
    Professional / Badminton Coach
    Location:
    Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Malaysia
    A newly wed man who is extremely shy and close to his father, called his father using his mobile phone asking for guidance what to do during his first night.

    man: Father, my wife is lying on the bed. What should i do?
    father: you take off her cloth and ask her to do the same

    man: Father, my wife took off my cloth already. Now what should i do?
    father: you take off your pants and ask her to to take off whatever she is wearing!!!!

    man: Father, now i am naked and also my wife...what should i do now?
    father: for god sake....you insert with whatever you have!!!!

    ...........then his son inserted using his mobile phone!!!!!
     
  19. extremenanopowe

    extremenanopowe Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2005
    Messages:
    12,253
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    Chief Coach. Get only NCAP/NROC certified coach. C
    Location:
    SG. Go for NCAP-L2 certified coach.
    hahahahahahahh....................
     
  20. george@chongwei

    george@chongwei Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2007
    Messages:
    30,013
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    MIA
    what a joke:D:D...thanks for making me laugh and good night:D
     

Share This Page