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Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit-Chat' started by Gessle, Aug 8, 2004.

  1. pBmMalaysia

    pBmMalaysia Regular Member

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    the general and the 3 guards

    3 guards were caught sleeping and was called by the general for punishment. here's the story:

    general: before i punish you, all of you go to the jungle and get me some fruits!
    off they went and the first guard came back with 3 apples.

    general: bring the apples to me, turn around and drop your pant!

    the first guard did as was ordered and the general insert all 3 apples right into his a##-hole

    1st guard: yakk.....yakk.....yakk.....

    then came the 2nd guard with 3 oranges.....

    the general did the same thing....

    2nd guard: yakk..... yakk...... hahahahahaha....

    general: why are you laughing?

    2nd guard: see, see that last guard got so many durian!
     

    Attached Files:

    #1321 pBmMalaysia, Apr 16, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2010
  2. shooting stroke

    shooting stroke Regular Member

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    A poor married couple with 17 childrens went for a family planning counseling and was told by the doctor that using condom is the cheapest method......so one day father went to the nearby supermarket and was told the cheapest one is a rm 1.50 green coloured condom . He looked into his pocket and noted he only bought rm 1.40. Lack by 10 cent, he bargain and the supermarket guy said there are a stock clearance white coloured condom that he can buy at rm1.40. Happily he bought it and used it that night.

    Unfortunately,after a month his wife got pregnant and successfully delivered a fair skin looking baby boy. Once the baby boy grown up, he asked his father the one he was waiting to ask:

    son: father,why my skin look much fairer than all my sisters and brothers?
    father: you should be gratefull my son, if father ADD 10 CENT MORE, YOU WILL BECOME GREEN already!!
     
  3. shooting stroke

    shooting stroke Regular Member

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    All Star Badminton Team

    1st single - Homer Simpson
    1st double - Darth Vader and Master Yoda
    2nd single - Stephen Chow Sing Chi
    2nd double - The three stooges (just pick any pair )
    3rd single - George Bush

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahaha:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
     
  4. ctjcad

    ctjcad Regular Member

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    #1324 ctjcad, Apr 19, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2010
  5. jchan04

    jchan04 Regular Member

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  6. T-maker

    T-maker Regular Member

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    (6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
    "Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
    "I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
    "I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose. ............

    embarrassed and trying to continue his enquiry....

    he asks ..again...

    "sorry, anyone seen a Flying cock?"..

    there was a hush and suddenly a loud rumble and the ground shook....

    ALL B'CERS THE WHOLE WORLD STOOD UP........

    :D:D:D
     
  7. jchan04

    jchan04 Regular Member

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    nice addition.!!:D
     
  8. george@chongwei

    george@chongwei Regular Member

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  9. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    the truth is now out.
     
  10. extremenanopowe

    extremenanopowe Regular Member

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    lol..................................
     
  11. Aspire

    Aspire Regular Member

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    HAHA....this is really laughable.:D:D

    Btw cooler is back! Why were you MIA for 7 days? Went for centralized training for the up coming Thomas Cup:D:p?
     
    #1331 Aspire, Apr 27, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2010
  12. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    didn't know ur my fans also:D
    i was sick for the past weeks, and my pc was wonky too.
     
  13. Aspire

    Aspire Regular Member

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    Ok. Happy to know that all is well now.:)
     
  14. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    Thx, not 100% recovered yet tho.
     
  15. T-maker

    T-maker Regular Member

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    heard it over the radio...


    trainee diver : "why must we 'roll' back-wards from the boat to get into the water ? "

    trainer ; " lol...if you roll forward, you'll still be in the boat !! "

    :D:D
     
  16. Thom_bad

    Thom_bad Regular Member

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    That's GREAT :)
     
  17. shooting stroke

    shooting stroke Regular Member

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    Yap and yip are twins that is only 5 minutes apart when delivered. To distinguish them, their mother breastfeed yap, the eldest at her right breast and yip at her left breast. Sensing that yip is being attended more by his mother, yap plans to kill his younger brother yip by putting some poison at her mother's left breast that night.

    Early in the morning when yap woke up, he heard his mother crying

    yap: mother why are you crying?
    mother: he's gone yap
    yap: how did yip died mother?
    mother: not yip, your FATHER!!!!!!!
     
  18. OneToughBirdie

    OneToughBirdie Regular Member

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    A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist. "Hello, could you give me condom ......I'm going to my girlfriend's for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance". The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out, he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says. "Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes and, since She invited me for dinner I think she is expecting me to make a move! During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us". A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness."Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious." The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad is a pharmacist!"
     
  19. undeadshot

    undeadshot Regular Member

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    That made me smile :)
     
  20. cooler

    cooler Regular Member

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    Boaters Found Clinging to Cooler
    By Tiffany Griffith @ May 18, 2010 6:49 PM Permalink

    A Mayport vessel brought a trio of boaters back to dry land after they survived three days in the Atlantic.
    ...
     

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